Suddenly.. I feel that many hints are sent to me for a purpose. Negative thoughts are flowing through my mind.. But my heart tells me another story. What should I do? Should I follow my heart or face the practical truth that may affect the rest of my life? When I have sorted out something and wanna start afresh, another new ugly truth arises. How am I going to move on? I'm so scared of being hurt.. Should I throw myself in the ocean when I know there are sharks around? Or should I look forward to the treasures and beauty of the loving creatures and nature of the underwater world?? Or should I just choose to stay off the ocean and move towards land??

Labels: Confusion

writtern @1:56 AM

I'm so upset today.. my tuitees did not do well for their exams.. Am I such a terrible tutor? One of them is related to my bf.. How will his family members look at me? I have lost my confidence suddenly.. I feel that this is really a turning point for me.. Either I change my strategy to teach them or give up and leave and hope there would be another tutor who can teach them better than I can do..

But this would also mean that I have to sacriface even more time and energy on them. Can I afford them when I start teaching? I still need time for myself to breathe.. This is so shitty.. I hate to make this decision.

This really voice down to my philosophy.. I believe I'm born to teach. I wanna make a difference in children's lives. I want them to believe in themselves and guide them in reaching their goals. I want them to know that failure is nothing but part and puzzle of life which will eventually lead to success with the right attitude and mind.

Wow.. I think I feel better after writing all these.. I know what I'm going to do now.. I'll try to apply the strategies which I have learnt from NIE on these students when necessary and try all means to help them. As long as they are still in Primary level, I will not give up!

Labels: Wake up call

writtern @11:11 PM

Within a day.. we kinda of talked things out. I really hope this is for the better.. I'm willing to put in effort to improve the relationship. I think Jay is suffocating coz of me.. I should really give him more space..
I also hope that I would be convinced tat he is going to be ready to settle down..

Now, it is time for me to concentrate on my training for my run and studies..

Jia you to myself..

It's time to catch up with long lost frds too! If anyone of ya wans to meet me.. call me.. Haha!

Labels: Problem solved

writtern @12:45 AM

It's time for a time out.. we can't seem to communicate anymore. I missed those honeymoon days suddenly.. that's when we really put in the effort to listen to one another and resolve problems more willingly for each other.. Guess the problem lies in me.. I have to think through and overcome them.. arrgg.. this really frustrates me..

Labels: frustration...

writtern @1:21 PM

I've been really moody lately. Especially between me and jay.. I dunno wat's going on.. I'm easily upset with him. I feel that he doesn't need by company anymore.. he has his soccer and frds and that's it. He used to invite me to his dinner with his frds and stuff.. but now.. i'm asked to settle my meals on my own.. although he message me to say how important i am to him, I dun really see it through actions.
I guess this is the space that my frd was telling me abt.. After reaching a certain point in a relationship, 2 parties will realise that we should provide space for one another.
But i'm struggling.. i'm not used to it.. Maybe I've been spending too much of my time with him. Maybe he's getting tired of me..

I always have the tendency to over commit myself to my love life.. And I always ended up feeling upset. How I hope I can turn back time to restraint myself from falling deeper into a well..

I have decided. If he needs the space, I'll give it to him. This means that I should have the space for myself too! I have been trying so hard to give tuition and music to earn extra money for our future.. but these are not the things that I enjoy doing the most! Maybe I should relook into what interest me and juz go for it! That sounds like a more healthy relationship.. :)

Labels: Finding the real me..

writtern @9:46 PM

recently, I've met so many people whom I have not met for years! I was at st james yesterday and saw Shi mei, one of my sec schoolmates! Yesterday, my bro happened to be working there too. This was the 1st time i club with my brother.. I was pretty hilarious! I was with Jason and his friends.. I kind of enjoyed myself yesterday.. :)

I realised my time management is still pretty bad.. I wanna try to be really on time in all events.. regardless important a not. It was after receiving a "lecture" from my dear before I realised it's pretty important to change this bad habit. Thanks darling!

Frisbee has entered my life once again. I'm playing in the winter league at seng kang.. I didn't play well today. I'm going to try harder next week! cheers!

Labels: Frisbee in back..

writtern @12:32 AM