This is the 1st time feeling so sian after talking to him. I know it's my fault that I've gone clubbing. However, I felt that he did not realised the days when I had to reject severals invitations. If I wan, I could hav gone many times rather than just once.
He kept on repeating about the bad times he had been through in his previous relationship. However, he din realise that everytime he said it, it makes me feel that I am not difference from his ex gf. I thought if his mum doubts me it wun be a big prob coz as long as darling trust me I'm happy. But I realised that's not the case now. Why can't he just say "No worries. I trust you darling." If he's not going to look forward towards our relationship but backwards and sees me as another gal similar to her ex.. I feel like giving up already. I can't imagine in years to come when he's going to say the same thing again and again. We hav been together for 7 months already!! I can't take it.
If I wan, I can also say that what is happening to me now is the same as what has happened during my previous relationship. When he doesn't wan to trust me, doesn't not appreciate my efforts. I also dun wan the same old cycle to happen again. I had enough of it the last 3 yrs.. thinking of it makes me wanna cry again.. sianz!
Lynn juz msg me that she's not going jogging already. Haiz.. I'm so sian with my life suddenly. So unhappy.. Life like I say.. meaningless sometimes. Jason and I talked on the phone just now. Acting as though nothing happened. I hate that! the prob will always remains.. nv go away..

I wonder how's darling. Hope he's fine. I'm thinking of him every minute..
I met my friend Catherine from zhongua today. We had a great time taking lots of photos from suntec to fullerton and to boat quay. I was chatting with her at a cafe with darling's mummy called me. I din hear the call as my hp's tone was quite soft. Therefore, when I returned call, she ask me if Jason called. I told her no. She asked jojo to ask where I was and if I was DATING! I'm not sure if i was oversensitive. But she doesn't sound like she was joking. Haiz.. Guess darling's mummy doesn't trust me. Feeling a little hurt. But the most importantly, I'm sure darling trusts me. So that comforts me alittle. I prayed for him again.. I hope he's doing fine..loving him.. dreamt of him so many times..

suddenly.. i feel as though i dun have the mood to do anything anymore. Darling just called me. He sounded different. He was in the hospital! He was having a fever. I'm so worried. Having fever and on drip seems quite serious man.. I hope he'll get well soon to complete his training.. just a few more days to go.. He has to complete his coz this time if not it would be too demoralising on his part.. I pray for him.. Love him always.. always in my heart.

hi there,
today.. I went to ikea with lynn and she saw what happened at the queue towards getting our food at the cafe. There was this woman who was telling the staff off about having to repeat thrice before her order was understood. The staff just kept quiet and continued their job. I feel so sad for them. If I was just beside that woman, I think I would tell the lady off. This kind of character could be found in many people nowadays. Repeating your order will not hurt you in anyway rite? Y can't people be more tolerate? My assumption is that this woman must have enjoyed her life being a customer and nv experience working as a waiteress or in any type of service line before. At least she should try to put herself into their shoes! Maybe I could understand coz I've worked as a waitress before. I think it is very important to experience and understand the work and life of others in order to be more tolerate. I really hope my kids or even students will not grow up to be like her.
On the other hand, I feel that is the staff were in anyway, rude or unpleasant, it would be reasonable to complain because they are in the service line. However, it little things such as repeating orders could be tolerated. They were so helpless as they couldn't defend themselves. Haiz.

Next, I feel really sad about what is happening in Myammar. Why is the world getting more and more chaotic each day? Y would people have the heart to sacriface and hurt humans? Where's the humanity? I really hope the Gen will at least think about his people rather than his own needs.

I gtg now.. study time.. bye..

i'm so happy!~ careen replied! She mentioned abt keeping in touch and friendship forever! GUess we have all grown up and it's time to put all our grudges behind us.. I'm so tired. Going to sleep soon. Good nitey. Shall read my ss books to sleep!

darling called me last night. He sounded happier. I feel for relieved too. He's coming back next friday! I've started watching Heroes. Quite a ok show for me for the 1st episode so far. Anyway, I'm going to work hard today. Wanna do my social studies project already..
btw, I dreamt of Careen. She seemed to be crying and asked me the reason of her having so few friends around her. Well, this could be a dream only. But I was kind of affected. I hope she's fine. I decided to message her in friendster. Whether a not she wanna reply is up to her. At least i'm doing my part as a friend if she still treats me as one. shall go for lesson now.. goodie bye...

so sleepy.. no mood to study leh..
Just now darling called! so happy to hear his voice.But he doesn't sound very happy. I feel so worried for him. I guess he doesn't wan to be frank with me coz he dun wan me to be worried for him. Haiz. This would onli make me worry more den ever. I told him to stay strong for another 2 weeks and everything would be better. I miss him. Cant wait for him to be back. Love him deep.

i'm so happy!! The camp was so fun! although it was tiring, my feet with blisters, sandfly bites and days without bathing.. it was fulfilling. I got to understand myself better. I know ways to go beyond my limits. I am no longer afraid of kayaking or the sea. Heights may not be a hinder too. The 3 p - people, process and product is something which i have to decide to prioritize on when i lead or go out to teach in future.
I got in touch with webb. It's been a long time since i've tok to him. He was the same batch as huizhen. It's great keeping in touch with pple u have lost touch with.
2 weeks more be4 darling is back.. I miss so much..so much till when i saw the full moon on moon cake festival during my camp.. i wonder if he's also looking at it..
GTG n sleep now.. my muscles are aching like hell.. can't stand it anymore..

so long nv blog again..also dunno y.. there's always ups and down in a relationship.. there will be a few points in time when u will lose confidence in the relationship.. Now i'm just a little doubtful here and there. wondering will my relationship with jason last.. I need the assurance now.. but he's away.. Telling me will not work too. So the problem lies with me.. not him.
This morning.. he called at the right time when i'm feeling this way. I was still sleeping when i heard my phone rang. I told him I missed him and he told me he missed me so much!! I wish for a pat on my head and a big hug now..
I went to visit my primary school today.. It was really a good visit. I met my ex form teacher Mdm Ho and a Chinese teacher who used to dote on me. Luckily they could still remember me!! My brother went with me and we had a great time talking to them.
I'm going OBS tml.. haiz.. tot days would pass very quickly so i can distract myself from missing darling too much. But i didn't know the dates fall on the day with my bro would be going for his knee operation. I feel a little sorry. However, he asked me to carry on with my plan. Guess when I'm back.. I'd wanna spend more time with him. Actually i'm not really excited abt the camp.. No matter wat.. Darling will still always be in my heart...

yoz.. long time nv blog already.. had been bz and tired. But of coz not as tired as darling.. 2 days ago.. there were invitation to go club again.. I din go.. coz i dun feel like going and it's for honey once again.. keke.. think i hav been spending too much money on food.. better behave manz..
I didn;t attend dance this week coz of my stupid proj.. arrggg.. i'll be going for obs camp soon.. so exciting.. hope i still can take all the challenges keke.. i dun hav a choice liao anyway.. haha
wondering how is darling coming along. 1 week has passed. 3 more weeks to go. missed him as much. love him as much. Hope he feels the same way too..

i slept at 11plus last night.. i was really tired. Went to school straight from chalet. This was what i recorded in my words doc as i was waiting for lynn to pass me the network cable.
"Hiya.. I feel so relieved now! I talked to darling just now. He called! He wasn’t angry with me thank goodness. Really hope he trusts me. But I’m very worried. He says that he fell and his back and knee hurts. How I hope I can be there with him now.. I hope he’ll stay strong. Love and miss him so much! "

When I woke up at 6.15am just now. I heard my hp rang. It was darling! He called at the right time. He told me that someone was caught using the phone and all phones are going to be confiscated. haiz. not being able to hear his voice for a month would be dreadful.. i gtg now. going to work on my project..

i went to su min's birthday party at a ktv pub yesterday.. Played pool, listen to the pple sing etc.. I chose to drive coz I decided not to drink too much.
I got to confess something.. I felt pretty bored and thought of going clubbing again.. I really miss dancing.. really! this time it's not about getting to know guys, wanting to drink... i just wanna dance freely.. I really tried joining all the clubs.. but they don't give me the same enjoyment as what cubbing do.. haiz.. Everything is so restricted. the movements, the steps, everyone has to dance the same way. But when u club, everything comes from you.
I asked peiying is she wanna go. So we went MOS. I took a super long time to consider my decision. haiz... The only person stopping me is of coz darling. 1) I'm there to dance.. nothing else. 2) the main purpose why darling din wan me to go there is coz he's afriad i might be taken advantage of.. which i knew that would not happen. Coz I didn't drink! Although guys approached. But I rejected and moved away. I was very persistent in rejecting them. I swear.. I realised that after going, part of me felt happy. Another part of me felt so bad.. I dunno if darling can trust me.. I din do anything wrong for sure.. nothing unfaithful.. haiz.. overall.. I din really enjoy to the fullest. Not without darling's presence. How i hope he's with me.. as i promised, I dun wanna lie.. I'd rather he be angry with me than to lie and he finds out in the end. I love him.. if he loves me, he'd trust me.. I'm not as playful as the past anymore.. coz i've got him..and i'm waiting for him to be back. love him!

DARLING's back at last!! He's going thailand at 3pm and having lesson!! so shitty right! anyway, I went to fetch him, went beach road, walked for a super long time before finding the market where he had to buy his baggy.. guess what? I saw a frd.. he's jimmy, who took my photograph while i was helping my frd to do the photo shoot. what a coincident right? keke.. k la.. will update more when he's away.. gtg..byez..

for 11/9/07..
Today for basketball, my teacher asked me to demonstrate lay-up for the class! Yippie.. So fun.. But during game, i felt i wasn't really serious or i din apply all the faking that I've been practicing so far.. We learnt lay-ups and ways to gain points.. eg.. to move into space towards the basketball direction.

Oh ya.. i woke up early morning to play tennis with lynn.. jen yang came after that to join us.. for less than 5 mins.. haha. It was fun too!

After bball lesson, had my proj meeting, i went for tuition.. after i came back to hall.. ate cup noodles! at last i got to eat cup noodles again.. I went for hall dance after that.. The way they teach is less clear.. but not bad also la.. coz we get to have exposure and perform.. cool.. Can help me improve my memory by remembering the steps.. gtg not.. tml got presentation! good luck to myself.. I'll go home tml to stand by for darling to come back.
BYEZ!

It was raining this morning and we played soccer in the mud. It was quite fun actually. Haha. I just realised that my classmate happened to be my brother's sis's sis! so coincident! Anyway, my wish came true, darling called me! 3 times today.. he might be coming back either on wed or thurs. Friday he'll be leaving for thailand..

I went for dance in the evening. So fun.. They were doing hip hop. Haiz.. the thing about this kind of class is that you don't get to do free style. Clubbing at least you do. well.. I told darling about my temptation last weekend.. he asked me to go ahead. The more he ask me to go the more i dun feel like going already haha.

I was telling lynn over dinner about being anxious after jason is back. I'm afraid he might feel that i have no time for him. Or not used to our different lives now. Will it be better than before or worse? I'm afraid he might be too free to get to know new gals and forget about me. Keke. Well if that's the case, too bad lor... This would be a test for both of us. Of coz I'll still try to manage my time and balance between darling, schwork and family.

I'm going to work hard for school coz i want a higher pay and better prospect. I wonder if darling minds about my education level.. Or is he really going to upgrade himself. I'm just worried for our future. I know he has the capability to climb high in his career, but no matter wat, being in singapore and in the realistic world, we know that education plays a very important role. I hope that darling would really consider. I dun wanna nag at him.. Scared he mistaken about me despise him of his education status or something. I just told lynn that i really dunc his education level as a problem for us. I look at character more than anything else. I love the way he is.. But it's just for our future i guess.. Let's be realistic. Who doesn't want security and good life in future? Haha.

Counting down.. let's say he's coming on thursday..3 days from now..

today.. my temptation to go club was really really high!! luckily, i was able to overcome it.. I know i have things to do. But i'm just bored! i wanna dance freely! I tot of going club but not drinking. But I rem giving my word to honey that i wun go unnecessarily. I went for breakfast with my bro.. stayed at home playing music, went out with my parents to chinatown for dinner. The Lor Moi was delicious.. Found it at last! We spend quite sometime at this station where there's one old man who was chanting and saying that he'd want to provide 4 digit numbers for certain people.. he was telling us how accurate his god was. The way i saw how he hits the statue made me stared at disbelief. He 's not respecting the god wat.. haiz.. He was then showing the power of his tailsman. He claimed that he's going to give them out for free.. but after that, he took out this product, wanting us to buy! many tables were also set up to pull people to the tables for fortune telling.. I really think this could be fake.. hopefully he are really helping the society and not cheating them.
There's something which I remembered which happened yesterday. When I was with my granny at the hospital, there was this couple which I shared the table with during my lunch. They were at least 80 years old i supposed. However, they were still so loving! The old man was teasing the old woman about him eating a piece of dish and his wife eating another at a time. He knew my presence and did it intentionally! Most probably, the old woman was the patient and he said that he came to the hospital because the food there is good and not because he wanted to come and visit his wife. haha.. So funny! I envied them man. I hope me love life will be as everlasting as them.. If not, I'll rather be single. Y make yourself so miserable when you can choose to led a happier life? I miss Jason soooo much.. What is he doing now? How is he? I don't know... Hope to hear from him soon.. Hope he's feeling strong..

It's been a long time since i'm blogged. It's caused by the stupid mio installation. So much problem that i still had to go to macdonald's to serve the free internet access!
I celebrated jojo's birthday yesterday.. as well as jeremy's arrival. I talked to him quite a lot yesterday. Seems like a nice guy. I gave him my num. Told him that I treat siblings very well, like that jason. haha.. so any problem can always call me.
I went to fetch jojo from school. Before that, Jason called! missed his voice.. he said he wanted to wish her happy birthday.. I passedthe message to her after that.. Brought her home, taught her maths and brought her to watch ratatuille! Average show i can say.. jojo got distracted after an hour or so.. but i made her stay.. before and after, we went arcade. She wanted to play many games and when the card that i topped up for her has finished, she asked me to go top up more. I felt that she should not be like that. Therefore, I talked to her after that. I told her that she should learn to be more considerate and don't do things for the sake of herself without thinking for others. She knows that there are many people who are very nice to her, but she should not take things for granted. I hope darling would not mind me teaching her all these skills ya.. I love her as much as he do and I want jojo to grow up with a big heart.. :)
Dunno y.. I'm feeling so stress! I seem to have so many things to do! I better pull my socks and do something about it. Think I'm too slack this week. Btw, the music school called me! The principal asked me to take night classes on weekdays. I think if i'm single, I would have taken all days. But I decided to take monday and thursday instead. On monday, after teaching music, I can still accompany darling. Tuesday, I might be joining a hall dance team after tuition. Wednesday, I'm free. Thursday, after tuition, I can go straight to teach music. Friday.. free for any plans. Weekends.. not touched yet.. My ex frisbee teammates are asking me if i wanna join sing open.. I'm considering man.. hmm.. It's so overwhelming! So many things to consider. Haiz.
I still have bball elearning stuf to do, SS story writing, critical perspective individual and group assignment, m and e elearning. so many things! I must finish at least the basketball one today! gtg now.. byez

Hey..
I woke up at about 7 plus and headed to the gym with lynn. My initial plan was to do weights and den play table tennis. HOwever, Eric and Ruoying called me and asked me to go jogging around NTU and I did! it was about 5 click i guess. Hmm.. sprinted at the end coz of the stupid rain. Then we continued with our table tennis. It was very fun!
We went for soccer when JiaYi taught was how to do volley. Learning in a small group really helps a lot. Feedback was given immediately. I enjoyed the session. For M and E, we still continued with solving mean, mode and median. Standard deviation was also introduced.
We went for lunch after that. I was super hungry. Den we headed to get our SS books, and submitted my OBS form! hooray! going for camp again!
Next we were on our way back to hall when I had to rush for tution. I headed to hougang point to pass the thumbdrive back to my ex student. Load off me now! When I was about to reach my house, after turning, I need to reverse and park into my hse's lot. THen there's this taxi driver who din bother to wait and forced me to drive forward. My unit after my neighbour gave me a dirty look as though i did something wrong. They were so inconsiderate to park the cars along phillips ave near to my house and still dare to give me that look! Most prob they din know i wanted to drive back to my hse. Anyway.. I was just frustrated that y do pple have to be so impatient and have to show pple unhappy faces in order to make themselves feel better? HAiz... I hope my students in future will not grow up to be like that..
I ended up eating instant noodles.. no one was at home to eat with me.. watched tv and slacked. Darling called me. Reminded me that he misses me. I rememebered eric mentioning to me about his frd who was also from commando, married and his wife betrayed him coz she always go club and was with his colleague who was also getting married. This guy claimed that the gal was the one who seduced him and he felt it was ok. Eric couldn't stand it and walked away. He said that there were so many this kind of cases.. No wonder darling din like me to club. But I hope if i can give him this kind of security, he would give me the same kind of security.. I cannot stand betrayal.. If wat is expected of me is not applicable to him, den I feel that it's not fair and no point following it.. well.. most importantly, i trust he will not do that.. :)

today.. i find it a dread to wake up for the 8.30 lesson.. but i was early.. lynn told me she dreamt of me getting A for my critical perspective assignment.. And guess what? I really did! Hooray.. A good start for me.. I went gym to di my triceps. Den we headed for M and E lesson. They were discussing about the pros and cons of using different kinds of graphic representions to show statistics..
I went to play tennis with lynn after that. LOng time since I played.. the kick is back!
Then we went to the clinic for my check up for outward bound. I had an injection.. Painful.. but worth the cost. keke.
Next we returned back to hall, bathed and took a nap. I woke up and changed into my dance attire and went for dance.. they taught hip hop today and i enjoyed the session very much. After that I waited for lynn and we went to boon lay market for dinner and now i'm here! Going to bathe now.. tataz.

Today.. I went back to zhonghua primary school to sign out. The school had called me, send me a letter to ask me to go back and sign out. On the last day of my sch, I 've forgotten to sign out. keke. Too excited to leave. Haha. When I was on my way home, I saw my P3 students! They called for me.. I really missed them.. haiz..
THere was a heavy rain when i reached NIE. I was drenched despite i drove. Irritating. I had basketball lesson and den discussion on critical perspective. The tutor din really guide us.. but we knew we were on the right track so we are going ahead with our plans.
I went for tuition. I asked grace if her granny always ask her to drink or eat whenever she comes down from the stairs. She said not really.. It tiggered me to ask her because I saw her granny coming down the stairs. I went on with my lesson. Who knows.. her granny came and offered her milk! haha.. both of us laughed.
I returned to hall after that.. I wanted to jog.. but the rain was huge. so i decided to forget about it. I checked my mails and vanessa came back asking me to send her to nie. I went to jurong point to meet lynn and went shopping at NTUC!! spent abt 40 bucks! Haiz.. gtg now.. btw.. darling called just now.. says he will be away at outfield for a few days and wun be back.. 20 more mins to his birthday.. "Happy Birthday to him" :) tataz.