I'm still awake now coz i'm waiting for my hair to dry up. I supposed to know my exams results by today. However, I can't access the link to c the results! May have to go down to sch on friday. I went with darling and his friends to the cage just now. It was pretty cool! I wanted to play but dear din invite and I also too shy to ask. But i sweat a little by trying all the juggling and stuff. Missed playing soccer with my galfriends suddenly. Haha..
Btw, I injured my right thumb. I was already injured during ICG basketball. Joanna accidentally held on to my thumb just now and i heard a "crack"! It was super duper painful until I couldn't resist my tears rolling down my cheeks. Anyway, I went to the chinese physician and she did acupunctural for me.. It was painful.. but now it's getting better. I hope.. Darling was patient when i was pretty grumpy just now.
I was glad to know billy's gf and xiao yan.. they were very friendly and nice gals! It was pretty fun talking and gossiping. Shall get to know them better soon. :)

today, i went for my dance at studio wu.. I went there at the wrong time.. din know the class supposed to start at 3pm.. anyway, we learnt jazz dance today. It was very challenging as i din have any ballet background. But I still enjoyed dancing. Later, my dear gave me a surprise by picking me up from the dance studio.
Next we went to suntec to buy presents! secrets for now.. I learnt a few interesting stories from dear.. there's a teacher who asked a student if a jar which is filled with rocks can fill up the jar anymore. The student said no. Teacher went to takes small little pebbles and poured it in and the pebbles entered the jar through the gaps between the stones. Next Teacher ask if the jar could be further filled up. The student said no again. This time, Teacher took fine sand and pour into the jar.. The moral of the story is about knowing your priority right. If fine sand is placed in 1st, the stones and the pebbles will not be able to enter into the jar at all. Same for the little pebbles. Therefore, in our lives, it is possible to have everything that you want to achieve, but it is about the way you manage and set your priority.
i saw the night view of suntec. it was beautiful..

Well.. I'm glad that I have been busy with the isg.. I felt that my frisbee skills has deteriorated. Tml is our final game and I wanna play well. I'm going to do my best. Haiz.. i feel very fat. Everyone is saying i'm fat.. feel quite shitty. Anyway.. I've signed up with a slimming prog and I'm curious to c how much i can lose through the process. I wanna have not only a slim body but also a toned body. That's more healthy. I can't believe I'm signing up for this kind of stuff. keke. I met darling for lunch. Thought it was pretty sweet when he came and look for me without his car. For a change, we took a bus..

This week, there were number of incidents that cause hurt between us. In the past, when i feel hurt, I'll start to back off. But this time, I felt that this relationship is not about me anymore. That's selfish. It's about Jason and me. It wouldn't be fair to him if he puts in effort and I'm not. ANd I'm going to handle my relationship properly this time. I'm not going to give up but backing off. THat will not solve the problem. Communicating would. But i takes 2 hands to clap too. And we would put in the effort to improve our relationship by compromising and listening to each other. He said that we were afraid of losing each other that is why we ended up hurting each other.. well at least both of us admitted our mistakes and moved on.. However, all these are good tests for us. It really shows how much we mean to each other.

Just now, I went with my family to the temple. After praying, we went to see wayang. I dun really understand what they were trying to do. It seems like a trailer or something. I only remember them walking and galloping around and saying "Ha ha" here, "Haha" there. Haiz.. Had a hard time understanding and deciphering their actions. My grandmother is a great fan of wayang.. She bought tickets to go there to watch the shows.

Later, we went to look for the L shaped sofas. I had our dinner along paya lebar road. It was quite nice! next to the shop there's tis traditional confectionary. Check this out!

i can't sleep..
although I'm tired
Is there really that much to think?
I wonder..
Why am I still unhappy
when my love has been nice to me
just by looking at girls
it made me angry
No matter how petty or jealous a gal can be
I never thought it would happen to me
It's better for me to change it for better
and love each other forever.

I'm so happy today! I scored 2 goals for my team.i scored one JUMP SHOT n 1 LAY UP.I felt i've contributed to the team at last.I was glad tat i invited rosenna to join us.Initially she was quite reluctant about going for isg.however,she scored a goal today too n seem to enjoy the games we played.tomo we r going to play our FINAL n neverless to say i'm going to play hard o help the team to get the CHAMPION! i felt tat i've improve alot on about staying calm during competition settings.believeing in oneself is also important n tats when your teamates will trust n believe 'YOU CAN'. Our captain's ball did really well too.. we won by a point 10-9. close though. I din really play as those who went for the past games played 1st.
my DArling has been very supportive.without fail he msg me aLL the good luck wishes n support! just now its was raining heavily n he msg tis
"every drop of rain represent how much i miss ya. Look out of the window and ya know how much i miss ya" Isn't that sweet? keke..

hmm.. I've been involved in Inter-School Games lately. I joined basketball, tennis and captain's ball. I play the second game for bball and although I didn't score any points I felt great because I thought I managed to pressure me defenders pretty well that day.. As for tennis.. I thought it was really crazy for me to join coz i had no prior background except that I just learnt it last semester.. We had several walkovers and ended having the 3rd position. For tennis, it's not really abt winning but enjoying the game.. haha.. my love for tennis has increased again. Yippie!
I'll be playing captain's ball tml.. hopefully we'll have fun then. haha.
Darling has always been so sweet.. THere was once in the middle of the night when i had cravings for soup and brought me out to drink soup. hehe.. He has been paying so many things for me coz he knows I'm broke.. haiz.. Hate the financial state i am in now.. He made me feel so comforted when he says he's going to take care of me and "yang" me.. :)
Yesterday, he chose to accompany my parents than to go play soccer. I really appreciate what he has done for me.. love him so much.. I'll treasure him.. :)

haiz.. honeymoon is over.. darling doesn't give me the same attention anymore. Is it because I've given too much that things would be taken for granted? He only wants to watch TV now.. all he cares abt is he's TV prog.. sad..

yoz..
I feel very happy! I've cleared my dance performance the day before yesterday at sentosa for PESS's olympic workshop.. I didn't make any mistakes.. I'm so happy! THe hardwork really pays off. I enjoyed making so many beautiful friends from the dance troupe. Everyone seems so united and no one is left out.. My dear dear even came to c me perform although he was a little late.. haha ;p He was so kind.. offered to drive 5 of my friends home..
Just now.. in the evening, I went to see darling play soccer. I met one of his friends who shared with me a few words of advice. He told me that in order to have a good marriage, both parties must have trust and commitment from each other. He had a divorce with his exwife 3 yrs ago with a son. Now he has a gf who stays with him and he also had the custody of his son. He was generous enough to allow his exwife to meet his son anytime he wants. Wanna guess y he chose to divorce? His wife cheated on him.. How sad right.. it was at the period with he had to work for long hours to climb up the hierarchy to ensure a good pay for his family to survive. And guess how long had they dated? 7 yrs! This really shows that time does not determine you relationship would last forever.. Besides commitment and trust, I'd like to include communication. Without it, both parties wun be able to be together too..
From my dance troupe, there's this gal named Alan, she only knew her husband for 3 weeks and he proposed to her! She agreed and they are now still happily married.. REally envy them.. I hope i'd also end up like them..
My kor kor just now called to ask how i was.. he was saying Jason has the capability of taking care of me and say that after my studies, soon he would be expecting a marriage annoucement from me.. haha.. I really hope my relationship with jason would be a everlasting one.. BY the way.. he bought me a set of braun buffel wallet for an advance christmas present.. I gave me the biotherm products real advance.. haha love him la!

hi there.. long time no see.. I guess i'm in love again.. i have always been in love.. but the feelings of being excited over being in love seems to be coming back.. haha sounds crazy right? We have discussed many things lately. Over wat we aim to do in future.. how are we going to manage our finance, and how to love each other more.
I learnt 5 types to ways to express your love to someone. 1) touch 2) words 3) showering gifts 4) actions 5) providing time
For this relationship, I felt that I have provided a lot of time and actions. Touch, words and gifts come after that. I want my partner to give me more of words and actions, followed by touch, time and gift.

AS for dear dear, he told me he would like me to give him actions and touch, followed by words, time and gift. I feel that knowing the needs of your partner is very important. If u really love a person, you would try all ways of fulfilling your partner's need to make him or her feel happy.

There's another surprise given by him. Darling is going to sub a credit card for me! yippie! I tot it is good for me to publish it out here as a black and white proof. I appreciate that he trusted me so much. I'm going to promise him if i happen to use the card, I'll pay my bills for sure! Promise! :)

I'm worried abt darling.. in order to slim down, he didnt; take regular meals.. it worries me. Must make sure he eats proper meal.. As for me.. i still eat as usual.. but growing fatter and fatter.. that sux.. must do somethign abt it..

I've been watching Heroes.. so interesting. At least i've finished watching.. now i can concentrate and study for my examinations.

I felt super jealous yesterday. saw love letters and pictures of darling and his ex.. At least he was kind enough to throw them away.. if he didn't i wun force him to do it too.. perhaps those were memories which he would like to keep too..

I'm so happy today! My party was a real sucess! I din really expect things would really turn out so nicely! My poly friends, obs, nie and sec sch frds came.. Although I did not really talk much to each group as i was busy moving from one grp to the other, it was a gd gathering session for the groups themselves. I totally enjoyed myself! I hope the rest did too. There were many talents within the groups. Magicians, musicians, comedians.. they were gd enough to bring up the spirit of my guests. I have Cat to help me take pictures, they rest jus cling amg themselves.. My parents were great! They helped me a lot! serving people food and entertaining them. I was so happy to meet careen and quibing whom i lost touch with long long time ago. Andrew kor and Peter still came to support me as usual. Darling came to join us after his soccer. I dun mind him playing soccer. That's his passion so i should nv try to stop him unless he wants to do it himself.
I really got to thank especially darling.. Without him, the whole thing wouldn't have started. He was the one who made me change my mind abt ago

I feel so blessed and so lucky suddenly.. Yesterday, darling asked me to continue to plan for my birthday party.. I was quite doubtful that the pple who i invite will come.. I told him that not many friends might turn up for my party. Guess what he said.. he said that the most, he will bbq with me.. just the 2 of us.. HAha.. how sweet! He's so encouraging! love him la.. although these are just simple words.. but these kind words made my day!
My brother will definitely be doing his magic tricks for show on sat.. haha. I messaged many of my friends.. of coz there are people who can't turned up. I also dun wanna hav much high hopes. But unexpectedly, there are people whom i tot will not come told me they are coming!! I'm so happy.. Long lost frds like Careen, Quibing.. they are coming.. There are few good frds who offered to help out before the party itself.. my cousins geraldine and bro would be coming too.. CAt is going to be my photographer.. everything seemed so right.. I haven told my parents yet.. I'm short of cash too.. hopefully they could help me out a bit.. Darling offered to buy cake and even catering.. But i see if it's necessary first.. must help him save money too..
He asked me wat i want for birthday.. it's weird telling him wat i want.. I dun really need any expensive gift.. It's the heart that counts.. the love that he can shower me with.. the faithfulness and trust that he gives me can be considered as the best gift anyone could receive..
The love that my family, boyfriend, relatives and friends has given me really made my life so complete.. I wanna feel this way forever... Without one of the aspect.. things would be different..

i enjoyed my last weekend so much! except the part when I was ill. I spent my whole sat in NIE for handball carnival.. Darling went with me.. I was so glad! enjoyed the time spent together. We still went out after that.. super tiring but fun day. Sunday was a busy day for me.. had to go for music lesson, teach music as well.. I felt weak when teaching and realised that i had fever when i reached home. I realised my family showed so much concern for me that i felt very adored and loved.. Darling was also with me.. though he still went to play soccer.. but it doesn't bother me coz i know he still cares and i wouldn't want him to sacrifice his soccer coz of me.. that would be really selfish on my side.. He asked me to pass him my best photo.. i wonder wat is it for.. will go and print it later..

I donated blood again today! so happy! This time although i still feel a little dizzy and pale.. it wasn't as bad as the 1st time i went where i had to lie down on the bed. Keke.
Was late for lesson today. Van, Lynn and I was playing in our room yesterday. Played till 4.30am la! they almost raped me! haha.. pillow fights and stuff..
Anyway, I'm home now.. I saw my ah ma.. she can walk without any support.. coolhuh.. I so happy for her. Her dreams of watching wayang is back. But of coz she must make sure she can walk properly before she goes out.. I still got so much to study for soccer.. worried sick.. Must jiayou already!

i juz came back from tang shui at zion rd.. was quite full so din get to appreciate the food there. Supposed to go with lynn and van.. Surprising darling joined me! so sweet.. He wasn't feeling well though I feel bad.. i rather he stay at camp and rest.. But seeing him cheered me up too.. He drove us using his frd's car.. evolution blar blar if i'm not wrong.. so exciting! Although we only met for a while, I really feel happy. I wonder if he feel the same way or it's a drag.. haiz.. I'm so negative.. I need assurance again.. But I appreciate his efforts.. feel touched.

Haiz.. so sian.. yesterday.. my soccer i din do well for practical. I really hope I can get an A for soccer.. though i know it's quite impossible. I had basketball individual assessment just now.. I really regret not practicing when i had the time in the past.. feel so shitty.. layups which i always take successfully were unsucessful juz now.. I feel damn sad lar.. I wan an A for basketball.. I joined bball in sec sch.. I tot having the background will help me with my grades and I'm determined to get it.. I'm going to study real hard for my the tests...
another thing.. I dunno y.. yesterday, i felt disappointed. Darling came and pick me up from sch and we had dinner together. Then he drove home and he had to leave with his frd for camp.. I tot i could spend more time with him! But his reasons were valid..no choice. He got to reach camp early, can't enter camp in wee hours.. I realised how selfish i was. Only think of being with him and nv consider abt the constraints.. I kept of thinking abt the past where he could spend time with me and go back camp early in the morning. Why can't he do it now..
Are there any differences? Is it because at that time, it was the beginning of our relationship so it supposed to be so sweet..
Anyway, I ought to be understanding too.. maybe things are more complicated now coz i had to attend sch in NTU now.. so far.. then he also tot of lending me his car.. then arrangements are even more complicated. Actually i dun mind spending more time with him yet i take public transport myself to sch.. am i crazy? haha... I think so.. maybe in weeks to come i'll be to tired and start to choose to stay in hall and meet him on weekends instead.
Anyway, I was super attitude la juz now.. I hate the feeling of anticipating abt meeting him and in the end had to accept that he can't meet me.. Very sad one leh.. So I decided to meet him on thurs. The confirmed day.. and anyother days if he can meet me den I'll meet him. Shall assume that he can't meet me most of the days to prevent myself from being hurt.. I dunno y i like dat. I dun wanna sound like i'm a sticky gf.. Coz i dun wanna be one. I can't stand seeing or approving a superglue to a partner.. I hope jason dun feel it this way.. if not i'm going to step back... Maybe i've put too much effort into this relationship.. Think I'll ask him one day to find out what he thinks and i can adjust accordingly. Scared later he take me more granted too.. know his darling will wanna meet him no matter rain or shine.. No matter what it is.. all these are caused by the power of love.. although i'm tired, sleepy, busy, I still dun mind meeting him.. as long as he wanna meet me. keke.

well.. i'm home. pretty early for a sunday huh.. but i have a lot of things to do actually.. Just that I haven got started. Darling had to go back to his camp to unpack his stuff. Haiz.. dunno y i feel a little disappointed and feel that I'd miss him.. think I'm too used to having him ard again. haha. And when i reached home, my bro was sleeping! I feel lonely.. keke.. where's the independent rachel ong? Get back to your independant self gal! must adapt to all these quickly.. challenging but gd for me.. haha
And now i feel sleepy.. study or sleep? keke. sleep

I feel so glad these days. Although me and jason argued a few times. I think It brought us one big step closer to each other this time. I really appreciate the fact that he din stop me from doing things that I love to do. I'm going for work and travel USA!! so cool.. without his support, i wouldn't even think i can bring myself to go wholeheartedly. I'll definitely miss him.. haiz.. All these support and understanding from him really makes me love him even more.. i was abt to tell him i'm willing to sacriface for him abt dancing by not going clubbing when he told me that he's not going to stop me anymore. He said that he has read the blog i've witten that changed his mind.. I was quite surprised. However, I was not really overjoyed by his decision.. coz it's not like I can't live without clubbing.. The thing that really makes me feel touched and happy is that I know he changed his mind becoz he loves me.. correct me if i'm wrong ok.. haha. Although he's so good to me.. I must not take advantage of it in anyway.. I feel so lucky.. So in love once again..

glad that darling is back. At least when i'm down, there's someone to share with me. Yesterday, we nearly had a squabble abt his gal friends who invited her to go club and another gal whom he liked before who asked him to teach her driving. I felt super uneasy, I juz couldn't control it. But later I got over it. At least, I'm glad he was honest with me. I supposed to trust him man! how can i think that he feel restricted coz of me? He loves me. He would be willing to do things to prevent us from any misunderstanding.
Guess it's juz me.. like wat i say.. i had a very strong bad feeling that something is going to happen between us.. a hunch. maybe i'm just over sensitive. Anyway, I enjoyed learning soccer from him yesterday!! haha. so fun.
going tuition soon. later i'm going to attend his graduation ceremony. So proud of him. Love him.. my ranger..

well.. darling is back. So glad to see him. Love him as much. But things seems different. Am I oversensitive well i dunno.. But I'm stressed. I got tons of things to think abt.. He's still into soccer afterall.. when I'm not allowed to dance. Am I going to compromise about clubbing again like my previous relationship? If i'm going to be restricted again, the history is going to be repeated I can forsee. I dun wanna be back to my old rebelious gal again. I can't promise him. It's not that he's not important. He is important, but i'm stuck between my interest and him. I hate this feeling. Why must i always have to suffer like that?!

In the past I used to club with him. I used to think that we have this common interest. But guess i'm wrong. He told me his reason and I thought was very sensible. His reason was valid. He's not wrong. But i'm sure i'm not wrong either. Coz my reason was juz purely dancing. He told me he dun wanna do the wrong thing. So.. which means.. next time, if he wants to go to this kind of places.. I'm going to be super duper wary. I'm going to expect him being unfaithful etc.. Guess guys can't control themselves. My purpose of going club with him is because I wan him to feel secure. I tot he'll feel better rather than Me going alone. but I think i'm making things worse.

So the conclusion is go or dun go forever kind of thing. Haiz. I'm destined to make this kind of decision all the time. I think I can dun go because of him. But another part of me feels that if he really loves me, y can't he let me go. It's not as though i wanna always go. I only go once in a blue moon, I really feel it's not a unreasonable request. Am I unreasonable? I feel so sad.. he nv think of my feelings.. he said sorry last night when he was drunk. He said he's afraid of losing me. I dun wanna lose him to. I love him! I got a very bad feeling abt us when he was abt to come back. Dunno it's for real. it's going to be a great test for both of us. Either we'll make it or break it.. I'm prepared. For the anything.. I've been through the worse.. immune to hurt already i guess..
But no matter what.. i'm giving my best. That's all i know..

Meeting up with my family really cheered me up. I brought my mum and bro to TPY for dinner. Also it was juz a simple dinner at a food court, I felt very warm hearted. Everyone seemed to be so impatient with me. For example when i park the car, taking sauce for food. Haiz.. pple are so impatient. I went home and watched All these was yesterday.
This morning, Jason called again. Finally he's coming back! I have lesson until abt 5pm. hope to see him soon! yippe. Although I still feel affected by that day's conversation, I still love him.. Hope he feels the same way..