well.. darling is back. So glad to see him. Love him as much. But things seems different. Am I oversensitive well i dunno.. But I'm stressed. I got tons of things to think abt.. He's still into soccer afterall.. when I'm not allowed to dance. Am I going to compromise about clubbing again like my previous relationship? If i'm going to be restricted again, the history is going to be repeated I can forsee. I dun wanna be back to my old rebelious gal again. I can't promise him. It's not that he's not important. He is important, but i'm stuck between my interest and him. I hate this feeling. Why must i always have to suffer like that?!
In the past I used to club with him. I used to think that we have this common interest. But guess i'm wrong. He told me his reason and I thought was very sensible. His reason was valid. He's not wrong. But i'm sure i'm not wrong either. Coz my reason was juz purely dancing. He told me he dun wanna do the wrong thing. So.. which means.. next time, if he wants to go to this kind of places.. I'm going to be super duper wary. I'm going to expect him being unfaithful etc.. Guess guys can't control themselves. My purpose of going club with him is because I wan him to feel secure. I tot he'll feel better rather than Me going alone. but I think i'm making things worse.
So the conclusion is go or dun go forever kind of thing. Haiz. I'm destined to make this kind of decision all the time. I think I can dun go because of him. But another part of me feels that if he really loves me, y can't he let me go. It's not as though i wanna always go. I only go once in a blue moon, I really feel it's not a unreasonable request. Am I unreasonable? I feel so sad.. he nv think of my feelings.. he said sorry last night when he was drunk. He said he's afraid of losing me. I dun wanna lose him to. I love him! I got a very bad feeling abt us when he was abt to come back. Dunno it's for real. it's going to be a great test for both of us. Either we'll make it or break it.. I'm prepared. For the anything.. I've been through the worse.. immune to hurt already i guess..
But no matter what.. i'm giving my best. That's all i know..
