i enjoyed my last weekend so much! except the part when I was ill. I spent my whole sat in NIE for handball carnival.. Darling went with me.. I was so glad! enjoyed the time spent together. We still went out after that.. super tiring but fun day. Sunday was a busy day for me.. had to go for music lesson, teach music as well.. I felt weak when teaching and realised that i had fever when i reached home. I realised my family showed so much concern for me that i felt very adored and loved.. Darling was also with me.. though he still went to play soccer.. but it doesn't bother me coz i know he still cares and i wouldn't want him to sacrifice his soccer coz of me.. that would be really selfish on my side.. He asked me to pass him my best photo.. i wonder wat is it for.. will go and print it later..

I donated blood again today! so happy! This time although i still feel a little dizzy and pale.. it wasn't as bad as the 1st time i went where i had to lie down on the bed. Keke.
Was late for lesson today. Van, Lynn and I was playing in our room yesterday. Played till 4.30am la! they almost raped me! haha.. pillow fights and stuff..
Anyway, I'm home now.. I saw my ah ma.. she can walk without any support.. coolhuh.. I so happy for her. Her dreams of watching wayang is back. But of coz she must make sure she can walk properly before she goes out.. I still got so much to study for soccer.. worried sick.. Must jiayou already!

i juz came back from tang shui at zion rd.. was quite full so din get to appreciate the food there. Supposed to go with lynn and van.. Surprising darling joined me! so sweet.. He wasn't feeling well though I feel bad.. i rather he stay at camp and rest.. But seeing him cheered me up too.. He drove us using his frd's car.. evolution blar blar if i'm not wrong.. so exciting! Although we only met for a while, I really feel happy. I wonder if he feel the same way or it's a drag.. haiz.. I'm so negative.. I need assurance again.. But I appreciate his efforts.. feel touched.

Haiz.. so sian.. yesterday.. my soccer i din do well for practical. I really hope I can get an A for soccer.. though i know it's quite impossible. I had basketball individual assessment just now.. I really regret not practicing when i had the time in the past.. feel so shitty.. layups which i always take successfully were unsucessful juz now.. I feel damn sad lar.. I wan an A for basketball.. I joined bball in sec sch.. I tot having the background will help me with my grades and I'm determined to get it.. I'm going to study real hard for my the tests...
another thing.. I dunno y.. yesterday, i felt disappointed. Darling came and pick me up from sch and we had dinner together. Then he drove home and he had to leave with his frd for camp.. I tot i could spend more time with him! But his reasons were valid..no choice. He got to reach camp early, can't enter camp in wee hours.. I realised how selfish i was. Only think of being with him and nv consider abt the constraints.. I kept of thinking abt the past where he could spend time with me and go back camp early in the morning. Why can't he do it now..
Are there any differences? Is it because at that time, it was the beginning of our relationship so it supposed to be so sweet..
Anyway, I ought to be understanding too.. maybe things are more complicated now coz i had to attend sch in NTU now.. so far.. then he also tot of lending me his car.. then arrangements are even more complicated. Actually i dun mind spending more time with him yet i take public transport myself to sch.. am i crazy? haha... I think so.. maybe in weeks to come i'll be to tired and start to choose to stay in hall and meet him on weekends instead.
Anyway, I was super attitude la juz now.. I hate the feeling of anticipating abt meeting him and in the end had to accept that he can't meet me.. Very sad one leh.. So I decided to meet him on thurs. The confirmed day.. and anyother days if he can meet me den I'll meet him. Shall assume that he can't meet me most of the days to prevent myself from being hurt.. I dunno y i like dat. I dun wanna sound like i'm a sticky gf.. Coz i dun wanna be one. I can't stand seeing or approving a superglue to a partner.. I hope jason dun feel it this way.. if not i'm going to step back... Maybe i've put too much effort into this relationship.. Think I'll ask him one day to find out what he thinks and i can adjust accordingly. Scared later he take me more granted too.. know his darling will wanna meet him no matter rain or shine.. No matter what it is.. all these are caused by the power of love.. although i'm tired, sleepy, busy, I still dun mind meeting him.. as long as he wanna meet me. keke.

well.. i'm home. pretty early for a sunday huh.. but i have a lot of things to do actually.. Just that I haven got started. Darling had to go back to his camp to unpack his stuff. Haiz.. dunno y i feel a little disappointed and feel that I'd miss him.. think I'm too used to having him ard again. haha. And when i reached home, my bro was sleeping! I feel lonely.. keke.. where's the independent rachel ong? Get back to your independant self gal! must adapt to all these quickly.. challenging but gd for me.. haha
And now i feel sleepy.. study or sleep? keke. sleep

I feel so glad these days. Although me and jason argued a few times. I think It brought us one big step closer to each other this time. I really appreciate the fact that he din stop me from doing things that I love to do. I'm going for work and travel USA!! so cool.. without his support, i wouldn't even think i can bring myself to go wholeheartedly. I'll definitely miss him.. haiz.. All these support and understanding from him really makes me love him even more.. i was abt to tell him i'm willing to sacriface for him abt dancing by not going clubbing when he told me that he's not going to stop me anymore. He said that he has read the blog i've witten that changed his mind.. I was quite surprised. However, I was not really overjoyed by his decision.. coz it's not like I can't live without clubbing.. The thing that really makes me feel touched and happy is that I know he changed his mind becoz he loves me.. correct me if i'm wrong ok.. haha. Although he's so good to me.. I must not take advantage of it in anyway.. I feel so lucky.. So in love once again..

glad that darling is back. At least when i'm down, there's someone to share with me. Yesterday, we nearly had a squabble abt his gal friends who invited her to go club and another gal whom he liked before who asked him to teach her driving. I felt super uneasy, I juz couldn't control it. But later I got over it. At least, I'm glad he was honest with me. I supposed to trust him man! how can i think that he feel restricted coz of me? He loves me. He would be willing to do things to prevent us from any misunderstanding.
Guess it's juz me.. like wat i say.. i had a very strong bad feeling that something is going to happen between us.. a hunch. maybe i'm just over sensitive. Anyway, I enjoyed learning soccer from him yesterday!! haha. so fun.
going tuition soon. later i'm going to attend his graduation ceremony. So proud of him. Love him.. my ranger..

well.. darling is back. So glad to see him. Love him as much. But things seems different. Am I oversensitive well i dunno.. But I'm stressed. I got tons of things to think abt.. He's still into soccer afterall.. when I'm not allowed to dance. Am I going to compromise about clubbing again like my previous relationship? If i'm going to be restricted again, the history is going to be repeated I can forsee. I dun wanna be back to my old rebelious gal again. I can't promise him. It's not that he's not important. He is important, but i'm stuck between my interest and him. I hate this feeling. Why must i always have to suffer like that?!

In the past I used to club with him. I used to think that we have this common interest. But guess i'm wrong. He told me his reason and I thought was very sensible. His reason was valid. He's not wrong. But i'm sure i'm not wrong either. Coz my reason was juz purely dancing. He told me he dun wanna do the wrong thing. So.. which means.. next time, if he wants to go to this kind of places.. I'm going to be super duper wary. I'm going to expect him being unfaithful etc.. Guess guys can't control themselves. My purpose of going club with him is because I wan him to feel secure. I tot he'll feel better rather than Me going alone. but I think i'm making things worse.

So the conclusion is go or dun go forever kind of thing. Haiz. I'm destined to make this kind of decision all the time. I think I can dun go because of him. But another part of me feels that if he really loves me, y can't he let me go. It's not as though i wanna always go. I only go once in a blue moon, I really feel it's not a unreasonable request. Am I unreasonable? I feel so sad.. he nv think of my feelings.. he said sorry last night when he was drunk. He said he's afraid of losing me. I dun wanna lose him to. I love him! I got a very bad feeling abt us when he was abt to come back. Dunno it's for real. it's going to be a great test for both of us. Either we'll make it or break it.. I'm prepared. For the anything.. I've been through the worse.. immune to hurt already i guess..
But no matter what.. i'm giving my best. That's all i know..

Meeting up with my family really cheered me up. I brought my mum and bro to TPY for dinner. Also it was juz a simple dinner at a food court, I felt very warm hearted. Everyone seemed to be so impatient with me. For example when i park the car, taking sauce for food. Haiz.. pple are so impatient. I went home and watched All these was yesterday.
This morning, Jason called again. Finally he's coming back! I have lesson until abt 5pm. hope to see him soon! yippe. Although I still feel affected by that day's conversation, I still love him.. Hope he feels the same way..

This is the 1st time feeling so sian after talking to him. I know it's my fault that I've gone clubbing. However, I felt that he did not realised the days when I had to reject severals invitations. If I wan, I could hav gone many times rather than just once.
He kept on repeating about the bad times he had been through in his previous relationship. However, he din realise that everytime he said it, it makes me feel that I am not difference from his ex gf. I thought if his mum doubts me it wun be a big prob coz as long as darling trust me I'm happy. But I realised that's not the case now. Why can't he just say "No worries. I trust you darling." If he's not going to look forward towards our relationship but backwards and sees me as another gal similar to her ex.. I feel like giving up already. I can't imagine in years to come when he's going to say the same thing again and again. We hav been together for 7 months already!! I can't take it.
If I wan, I can also say that what is happening to me now is the same as what has happened during my previous relationship. When he doesn't wan to trust me, doesn't not appreciate my efforts. I also dun wan the same old cycle to happen again. I had enough of it the last 3 yrs.. thinking of it makes me wanna cry again.. sianz!
Lynn juz msg me that she's not going jogging already. Haiz.. I'm so sian with my life suddenly. So unhappy.. Life like I say.. meaningless sometimes. Jason and I talked on the phone just now. Acting as though nothing happened. I hate that! the prob will always remains.. nv go away..

I wonder how's darling. Hope he's fine. I'm thinking of him every minute..
I met my friend Catherine from zhongua today. We had a great time taking lots of photos from suntec to fullerton and to boat quay. I was chatting with her at a cafe with darling's mummy called me. I din hear the call as my hp's tone was quite soft. Therefore, when I returned call, she ask me if Jason called. I told her no. She asked jojo to ask where I was and if I was DATING! I'm not sure if i was oversensitive. But she doesn't sound like she was joking. Haiz.. Guess darling's mummy doesn't trust me. Feeling a little hurt. But the most importantly, I'm sure darling trusts me. So that comforts me alittle. I prayed for him again.. I hope he's doing fine..loving him.. dreamt of him so many times..

suddenly.. i feel as though i dun have the mood to do anything anymore. Darling just called me. He sounded different. He was in the hospital! He was having a fever. I'm so worried. Having fever and on drip seems quite serious man.. I hope he'll get well soon to complete his training.. just a few more days to go.. He has to complete his coz this time if not it would be too demoralising on his part.. I pray for him.. Love him always.. always in my heart.

hi there,
today.. I went to ikea with lynn and she saw what happened at the queue towards getting our food at the cafe. There was this woman who was telling the staff off about having to repeat thrice before her order was understood. The staff just kept quiet and continued their job. I feel so sad for them. If I was just beside that woman, I think I would tell the lady off. This kind of character could be found in many people nowadays. Repeating your order will not hurt you in anyway rite? Y can't people be more tolerate? My assumption is that this woman must have enjoyed her life being a customer and nv experience working as a waiteress or in any type of service line before. At least she should try to put herself into their shoes! Maybe I could understand coz I've worked as a waitress before. I think it is very important to experience and understand the work and life of others in order to be more tolerate. I really hope my kids or even students will not grow up to be like her.
On the other hand, I feel that is the staff were in anyway, rude or unpleasant, it would be reasonable to complain because they are in the service line. However, it little things such as repeating orders could be tolerated. They were so helpless as they couldn't defend themselves. Haiz.

Next, I feel really sad about what is happening in Myammar. Why is the world getting more and more chaotic each day? Y would people have the heart to sacriface and hurt humans? Where's the humanity? I really hope the Gen will at least think about his people rather than his own needs.

I gtg now.. study time.. bye..

i'm so happy!~ careen replied! She mentioned abt keeping in touch and friendship forever! GUess we have all grown up and it's time to put all our grudges behind us.. I'm so tired. Going to sleep soon. Good nitey. Shall read my ss books to sleep!

darling called me last night. He sounded happier. I feel for relieved too. He's coming back next friday! I've started watching Heroes. Quite a ok show for me for the 1st episode so far. Anyway, I'm going to work hard today. Wanna do my social studies project already..
btw, I dreamt of Careen. She seemed to be crying and asked me the reason of her having so few friends around her. Well, this could be a dream only. But I was kind of affected. I hope she's fine. I decided to message her in friendster. Whether a not she wanna reply is up to her. At least i'm doing my part as a friend if she still treats me as one. shall go for lesson now.. goodie bye...

so sleepy.. no mood to study leh..
Just now darling called! so happy to hear his voice.But he doesn't sound very happy. I feel so worried for him. I guess he doesn't wan to be frank with me coz he dun wan me to be worried for him. Haiz. This would onli make me worry more den ever. I told him to stay strong for another 2 weeks and everything would be better. I miss him. Cant wait for him to be back. Love him deep.