Everything seems to be quite unstable between dear and me these days.. Both are at fault I think.. But we've talked things out and I really hope whatever we have agreed to do would be done to improve our relationship.. Guess if we are serious about this relationship, then we should take each other's words seriously..
There will always be a phase when partners would just take each other for granted and we just have to gently remind each other how to resolve the problem. We know that we love each other. But we have different ways of showing love to each other and demand different ways of receiving love from each other. It's all about complementing each other I guess..
Yesterday, my love had BBQ at his place. I almost the whole day with his mum to prepare the food for him. It was quite fun yet tiring. He seemed to enjoy himself.. I feel happy when he's happy.. :)
I just came back from prata shop. Saw adrian from ZPS. Asked him to plan another gathering session. Den I saw Steven, who is my classmate from poly. He dun seem to recognise me though..keke But I'm happy to see familiar faces around..

Guess wat.. The school held my results because I did not pay for my hall fees! Yesterday, with darling, we sent to the finance office to pay up the fees and wanted to surf the wireless to c my results. Guess what, there were some configuration prob and i had to go the library. Irritating isn;t it? haiz.. anyway, when i saw my results, I saw an A- for my critical perspective module which I thought I would be able to get it.. I was pretty pessimistic as I tot that is going to be the only A- throughout the 5 modules. Immediately, darling ran away with my laptop keeping me in suspense.. I had to ran around the library to search for him!! Anyway, I was quite surprised. I had A- for Social Studies as well as basketball! Yippie.. the next 2 modules were B+.. This is the first time having 3 A- on the report card.. keke. Shall work harder the next semester..

Darling and I had went suntec to search for his friend's wedding gift. There were some displays which i find them very nice from a jewellery company.. The angels were beautiful..

We decided to go orchard instead.. swarvoski.. and bought the crystals... They were beautiful! We went around taking lots of photos in orchard.. so fun! we played icecream like little kids.. Watched Red Line.. Nice movie..

Today I was the mc for the music concert recital. it went pretty well.. I met darling straight at rendevous hotel for the ROM ceremony of Weiming.. They seem very happy.. I'm also happy for them.. Next darling and me went marina square. We briefly walked through and headed to amoy street for my waxing session! darling offered to pay the package for me yippie! I'm going ot treat him koshimbo lunch at suntec in return. I feel that he really adores me as he knows i'm really broke now.. I told him in future when I have my earnings, I wouldn't have to depend so much on him already.. ;p

I realised we have him arguing lately.. the things he said has begun to offend him at times. I wonder y? Perhaps now we have come to a stage where he is so used to me and he feels comfortable joking all the time.. Well, I liked my honey's humour. It bring joy to my life. However, there are really times when i really need him to be serious and make me feel loved by him...I know he loves me. But we gals just need assurance. "Kind words bring laughter and joy to people" I learnt this from the church I was teaching music there. Well, everything needs a balance to it.. I dun expect darling to be serious all the time.. It'll be so boring! keke. Just wan him to be sweet at times to melt my heart.. Haha.. A little effort of doing it will made me happy :)

As for me, I think I've been quite petty recently, coz I wanted Darling to be more sentimental but he jokes about almost everything which includes things which I'm sensitive about caused me to be frustrated. Guess my expectations makes me lose my temper. I guess i just have to chill and give my love a chance to express himself in his own way.. We shall compromise, instead of expecting him to do certain things and end up showing him a black face when he doesn't do it, I'll express myself and tell him what i really love and hope we can figure and try to work things out together. If we love each other, we'll be able to work it out! Whatever dear has done for me has been greatly appreciated.. Till now.. Will not take him for granted for sure..

I'm still awake now coz i'm waiting for my hair to dry up. I supposed to know my exams results by today. However, I can't access the link to c the results! May have to go down to sch on friday. I went with darling and his friends to the cage just now. It was pretty cool! I wanted to play but dear din invite and I also too shy to ask. But i sweat a little by trying all the juggling and stuff. Missed playing soccer with my galfriends suddenly. Haha..
Btw, I injured my right thumb. I was already injured during ICG basketball. Joanna accidentally held on to my thumb just now and i heard a "crack"! It was super duper painful until I couldn't resist my tears rolling down my cheeks. Anyway, I went to the chinese physician and she did acupunctural for me.. It was painful.. but now it's getting better. I hope.. Darling was patient when i was pretty grumpy just now.
I was glad to know billy's gf and xiao yan.. they were very friendly and nice gals! It was pretty fun talking and gossiping. Shall get to know them better soon. :)

today, i went for my dance at studio wu.. I went there at the wrong time.. din know the class supposed to start at 3pm.. anyway, we learnt jazz dance today. It was very challenging as i din have any ballet background. But I still enjoyed dancing. Later, my dear gave me a surprise by picking me up from the dance studio.
Next we went to suntec to buy presents! secrets for now.. I learnt a few interesting stories from dear.. there's a teacher who asked a student if a jar which is filled with rocks can fill up the jar anymore. The student said no. Teacher went to takes small little pebbles and poured it in and the pebbles entered the jar through the gaps between the stones. Next Teacher ask if the jar could be further filled up. The student said no again. This time, Teacher took fine sand and pour into the jar.. The moral of the story is about knowing your priority right. If fine sand is placed in 1st, the stones and the pebbles will not be able to enter into the jar at all. Same for the little pebbles. Therefore, in our lives, it is possible to have everything that you want to achieve, but it is about the way you manage and set your priority.
i saw the night view of suntec. it was beautiful..

Well.. I'm glad that I have been busy with the isg.. I felt that my frisbee skills has deteriorated. Tml is our final game and I wanna play well. I'm going to do my best. Haiz.. i feel very fat. Everyone is saying i'm fat.. feel quite shitty. Anyway.. I've signed up with a slimming prog and I'm curious to c how much i can lose through the process. I wanna have not only a slim body but also a toned body. That's more healthy. I can't believe I'm signing up for this kind of stuff. keke. I met darling for lunch. Thought it was pretty sweet when he came and look for me without his car. For a change, we took a bus..

This week, there were number of incidents that cause hurt between us. In the past, when i feel hurt, I'll start to back off. But this time, I felt that this relationship is not about me anymore. That's selfish. It's about Jason and me. It wouldn't be fair to him if he puts in effort and I'm not. ANd I'm going to handle my relationship properly this time. I'm not going to give up but backing off. THat will not solve the problem. Communicating would. But i takes 2 hands to clap too. And we would put in the effort to improve our relationship by compromising and listening to each other. He said that we were afraid of losing each other that is why we ended up hurting each other.. well at least both of us admitted our mistakes and moved on.. However, all these are good tests for us. It really shows how much we mean to each other.

Just now, I went with my family to the temple. After praying, we went to see wayang. I dun really understand what they were trying to do. It seems like a trailer or something. I only remember them walking and galloping around and saying "Ha ha" here, "Haha" there. Haiz.. Had a hard time understanding and deciphering their actions. My grandmother is a great fan of wayang.. She bought tickets to go there to watch the shows.

Later, we went to look for the L shaped sofas. I had our dinner along paya lebar road. It was quite nice! next to the shop there's tis traditional confectionary. Check this out!

i can't sleep..
although I'm tired
Is there really that much to think?
I wonder..
Why am I still unhappy
when my love has been nice to me
just by looking at girls
it made me angry
No matter how petty or jealous a gal can be
I never thought it would happen to me
It's better for me to change it for better
and love each other forever.

I'm so happy today! I scored 2 goals for my team.i scored one JUMP SHOT n 1 LAY UP.I felt i've contributed to the team at last.I was glad tat i invited rosenna to join us.Initially she was quite reluctant about going for isg.however,she scored a goal today too n seem to enjoy the games we played.tomo we r going to play our FINAL n neverless to say i'm going to play hard o help the team to get the CHAMPION! i felt tat i've improve alot on about staying calm during competition settings.believeing in oneself is also important n tats when your teamates will trust n believe 'YOU CAN'. Our captain's ball did really well too.. we won by a point 10-9. close though. I din really play as those who went for the past games played 1st.
my DArling has been very supportive.without fail he msg me aLL the good luck wishes n support! just now its was raining heavily n he msg tis
"every drop of rain represent how much i miss ya. Look out of the window and ya know how much i miss ya" Isn't that sweet? keke..

hmm.. I've been involved in Inter-School Games lately. I joined basketball, tennis and captain's ball. I play the second game for bball and although I didn't score any points I felt great because I thought I managed to pressure me defenders pretty well that day.. As for tennis.. I thought it was really crazy for me to join coz i had no prior background except that I just learnt it last semester.. We had several walkovers and ended having the 3rd position. For tennis, it's not really abt winning but enjoying the game.. haha.. my love for tennis has increased again. Yippie!
I'll be playing captain's ball tml.. hopefully we'll have fun then. haha.
Darling has always been so sweet.. THere was once in the middle of the night when i had cravings for soup and brought me out to drink soup. hehe.. He has been paying so many things for me coz he knows I'm broke.. haiz.. Hate the financial state i am in now.. He made me feel so comforted when he says he's going to take care of me and "yang" me.. :)
Yesterday, he chose to accompany my parents than to go play soccer. I really appreciate what he has done for me.. love him so much.. I'll treasure him.. :)

haiz.. honeymoon is over.. darling doesn't give me the same attention anymore. Is it because I've given too much that things would be taken for granted? He only wants to watch TV now.. all he cares abt is he's TV prog.. sad..

yoz..
I feel very happy! I've cleared my dance performance the day before yesterday at sentosa for PESS's olympic workshop.. I didn't make any mistakes.. I'm so happy! THe hardwork really pays off. I enjoyed making so many beautiful friends from the dance troupe. Everyone seems so united and no one is left out.. My dear dear even came to c me perform although he was a little late.. haha ;p He was so kind.. offered to drive 5 of my friends home..
Just now.. in the evening, I went to see darling play soccer. I met one of his friends who shared with me a few words of advice. He told me that in order to have a good marriage, both parties must have trust and commitment from each other. He had a divorce with his exwife 3 yrs ago with a son. Now he has a gf who stays with him and he also had the custody of his son. He was generous enough to allow his exwife to meet his son anytime he wants. Wanna guess y he chose to divorce? His wife cheated on him.. How sad right.. it was at the period with he had to work for long hours to climb up the hierarchy to ensure a good pay for his family to survive. And guess how long had they dated? 7 yrs! This really shows that time does not determine you relationship would last forever.. Besides commitment and trust, I'd like to include communication. Without it, both parties wun be able to be together too..
From my dance troupe, there's this gal named Alan, she only knew her husband for 3 weeks and he proposed to her! She agreed and they are now still happily married.. REally envy them.. I hope i'd also end up like them..
My kor kor just now called to ask how i was.. he was saying Jason has the capability of taking care of me and say that after my studies, soon he would be expecting a marriage annoucement from me.. haha.. I really hope my relationship with jason would be a everlasting one.. BY the way.. he bought me a set of braun buffel wallet for an advance christmas present.. I gave me the biotherm products real advance.. haha love him la!

hi there.. long time no see.. I guess i'm in love again.. i have always been in love.. but the feelings of being excited over being in love seems to be coming back.. haha sounds crazy right? We have discussed many things lately. Over wat we aim to do in future.. how are we going to manage our finance, and how to love each other more.
I learnt 5 types to ways to express your love to someone. 1) touch 2) words 3) showering gifts 4) actions 5) providing time
For this relationship, I felt that I have provided a lot of time and actions. Touch, words and gifts come after that. I want my partner to give me more of words and actions, followed by touch, time and gift.

AS for dear dear, he told me he would like me to give him actions and touch, followed by words, time and gift. I feel that knowing the needs of your partner is very important. If u really love a person, you would try all ways of fulfilling your partner's need to make him or her feel happy.

There's another surprise given by him. Darling is going to sub a credit card for me! yippie! I tot it is good for me to publish it out here as a black and white proof. I appreciate that he trusted me so much. I'm going to promise him if i happen to use the card, I'll pay my bills for sure! Promise! :)

I'm worried abt darling.. in order to slim down, he didnt; take regular meals.. it worries me. Must make sure he eats proper meal.. As for me.. i still eat as usual.. but growing fatter and fatter.. that sux.. must do somethign abt it..

I've been watching Heroes.. so interesting. At least i've finished watching.. now i can concentrate and study for my examinations.

I felt super jealous yesterday. saw love letters and pictures of darling and his ex.. At least he was kind enough to throw them away.. if he didn't i wun force him to do it too.. perhaps those were memories which he would like to keep too..

I'm so happy today! My party was a real sucess! I din really expect things would really turn out so nicely! My poly friends, obs, nie and sec sch frds came.. Although I did not really talk much to each group as i was busy moving from one grp to the other, it was a gd gathering session for the groups themselves. I totally enjoyed myself! I hope the rest did too. There were many talents within the groups. Magicians, musicians, comedians.. they were gd enough to bring up the spirit of my guests. I have Cat to help me take pictures, they rest jus cling amg themselves.. My parents were great! They helped me a lot! serving people food and entertaining them. I was so happy to meet careen and quibing whom i lost touch with long long time ago. Andrew kor and Peter still came to support me as usual. Darling came to join us after his soccer. I dun mind him playing soccer. That's his passion so i should nv try to stop him unless he wants to do it himself.
I really got to thank especially darling.. Without him, the whole thing wouldn't have started. He was the one who made me change my mind abt ago

I feel so blessed and so lucky suddenly.. Yesterday, darling asked me to continue to plan for my birthday party.. I was quite doubtful that the pple who i invite will come.. I told him that not many friends might turn up for my party. Guess what he said.. he said that the most, he will bbq with me.. just the 2 of us.. HAha.. how sweet! He's so encouraging! love him la.. although these are just simple words.. but these kind words made my day!
My brother will definitely be doing his magic tricks for show on sat.. haha. I messaged many of my friends.. of coz there are people who can't turned up. I also dun wanna hav much high hopes. But unexpectedly, there are people whom i tot will not come told me they are coming!! I'm so happy.. Long lost frds like Careen, Quibing.. they are coming.. There are few good frds who offered to help out before the party itself.. my cousins geraldine and bro would be coming too.. CAt is going to be my photographer.. everything seemed so right.. I haven told my parents yet.. I'm short of cash too.. hopefully they could help me out a bit.. Darling offered to buy cake and even catering.. But i see if it's necessary first.. must help him save money too..
He asked me wat i want for birthday.. it's weird telling him wat i want.. I dun really need any expensive gift.. It's the heart that counts.. the love that he can shower me with.. the faithfulness and trust that he gives me can be considered as the best gift anyone could receive..
The love that my family, boyfriend, relatives and friends has given me really made my life so complete.. I wanna feel this way forever... Without one of the aspect.. things would be different..

i enjoyed my last weekend so much! except the part when I was ill. I spent my whole sat in NIE for handball carnival.. Darling went with me.. I was so glad! enjoyed the time spent together. We still went out after that.. super tiring but fun day. Sunday was a busy day for me.. had to go for music lesson, teach music as well.. I felt weak when teaching and realised that i had fever when i reached home. I realised my family showed so much concern for me that i felt very adored and loved.. Darling was also with me.. though he still went to play soccer.. but it doesn't bother me coz i know he still cares and i wouldn't want him to sacrifice his soccer coz of me.. that would be really selfish on my side.. He asked me to pass him my best photo.. i wonder wat is it for.. will go and print it later..

I donated blood again today! so happy! This time although i still feel a little dizzy and pale.. it wasn't as bad as the 1st time i went where i had to lie down on the bed. Keke.
Was late for lesson today. Van, Lynn and I was playing in our room yesterday. Played till 4.30am la! they almost raped me! haha.. pillow fights and stuff..
Anyway, I'm home now.. I saw my ah ma.. she can walk without any support.. coolhuh.. I so happy for her. Her dreams of watching wayang is back. But of coz she must make sure she can walk properly before she goes out.. I still got so much to study for soccer.. worried sick.. Must jiayou already!

i juz came back from tang shui at zion rd.. was quite full so din get to appreciate the food there. Supposed to go with lynn and van.. Surprising darling joined me! so sweet.. He wasn't feeling well though I feel bad.. i rather he stay at camp and rest.. But seeing him cheered me up too.. He drove us using his frd's car.. evolution blar blar if i'm not wrong.. so exciting! Although we only met for a while, I really feel happy. I wonder if he feel the same way or it's a drag.. haiz.. I'm so negative.. I need assurance again.. But I appreciate his efforts.. feel touched.

Haiz.. so sian.. yesterday.. my soccer i din do well for practical. I really hope I can get an A for soccer.. though i know it's quite impossible. I had basketball individual assessment just now.. I really regret not practicing when i had the time in the past.. feel so shitty.. layups which i always take successfully were unsucessful juz now.. I feel damn sad lar.. I wan an A for basketball.. I joined bball in sec sch.. I tot having the background will help me with my grades and I'm determined to get it.. I'm going to study real hard for my the tests...
another thing.. I dunno y.. yesterday, i felt disappointed. Darling came and pick me up from sch and we had dinner together. Then he drove home and he had to leave with his frd for camp.. I tot i could spend more time with him! But his reasons were valid..no choice. He got to reach camp early, can't enter camp in wee hours.. I realised how selfish i was. Only think of being with him and nv consider abt the constraints.. I kept of thinking abt the past where he could spend time with me and go back camp early in the morning. Why can't he do it now..
Are there any differences? Is it because at that time, it was the beginning of our relationship so it supposed to be so sweet..
Anyway, I ought to be understanding too.. maybe things are more complicated now coz i had to attend sch in NTU now.. so far.. then he also tot of lending me his car.. then arrangements are even more complicated. Actually i dun mind spending more time with him yet i take public transport myself to sch.. am i crazy? haha... I think so.. maybe in weeks to come i'll be to tired and start to choose to stay in hall and meet him on weekends instead.
Anyway, I was super attitude la juz now.. I hate the feeling of anticipating abt meeting him and in the end had to accept that he can't meet me.. Very sad one leh.. So I decided to meet him on thurs. The confirmed day.. and anyother days if he can meet me den I'll meet him. Shall assume that he can't meet me most of the days to prevent myself from being hurt.. I dunno y i like dat. I dun wanna sound like i'm a sticky gf.. Coz i dun wanna be one. I can't stand seeing or approving a superglue to a partner.. I hope jason dun feel it this way.. if not i'm going to step back... Maybe i've put too much effort into this relationship.. Think I'll ask him one day to find out what he thinks and i can adjust accordingly. Scared later he take me more granted too.. know his darling will wanna meet him no matter rain or shine.. No matter what it is.. all these are caused by the power of love.. although i'm tired, sleepy, busy, I still dun mind meeting him.. as long as he wanna meet me. keke.

well.. i'm home. pretty early for a sunday huh.. but i have a lot of things to do actually.. Just that I haven got started. Darling had to go back to his camp to unpack his stuff. Haiz.. dunno y i feel a little disappointed and feel that I'd miss him.. think I'm too used to having him ard again. haha. And when i reached home, my bro was sleeping! I feel lonely.. keke.. where's the independent rachel ong? Get back to your independant self gal! must adapt to all these quickly.. challenging but gd for me.. haha
And now i feel sleepy.. study or sleep? keke. sleep

I feel so glad these days. Although me and jason argued a few times. I think It brought us one big step closer to each other this time. I really appreciate the fact that he din stop me from doing things that I love to do. I'm going for work and travel USA!! so cool.. without his support, i wouldn't even think i can bring myself to go wholeheartedly. I'll definitely miss him.. haiz.. All these support and understanding from him really makes me love him even more.. i was abt to tell him i'm willing to sacriface for him abt dancing by not going clubbing when he told me that he's not going to stop me anymore. He said that he has read the blog i've witten that changed his mind.. I was quite surprised. However, I was not really overjoyed by his decision.. coz it's not like I can't live without clubbing.. The thing that really makes me feel touched and happy is that I know he changed his mind becoz he loves me.. correct me if i'm wrong ok.. haha. Although he's so good to me.. I must not take advantage of it in anyway.. I feel so lucky.. So in love once again..

glad that darling is back. At least when i'm down, there's someone to share with me. Yesterday, we nearly had a squabble abt his gal friends who invited her to go club and another gal whom he liked before who asked him to teach her driving. I felt super uneasy, I juz couldn't control it. But later I got over it. At least, I'm glad he was honest with me. I supposed to trust him man! how can i think that he feel restricted coz of me? He loves me. He would be willing to do things to prevent us from any misunderstanding.
Guess it's juz me.. like wat i say.. i had a very strong bad feeling that something is going to happen between us.. a hunch. maybe i'm just over sensitive. Anyway, I enjoyed learning soccer from him yesterday!! haha. so fun.
going tuition soon. later i'm going to attend his graduation ceremony. So proud of him. Love him.. my ranger..

well.. darling is back. So glad to see him. Love him as much. But things seems different. Am I oversensitive well i dunno.. But I'm stressed. I got tons of things to think abt.. He's still into soccer afterall.. when I'm not allowed to dance. Am I going to compromise about clubbing again like my previous relationship? If i'm going to be restricted again, the history is going to be repeated I can forsee. I dun wanna be back to my old rebelious gal again. I can't promise him. It's not that he's not important. He is important, but i'm stuck between my interest and him. I hate this feeling. Why must i always have to suffer like that?!

In the past I used to club with him. I used to think that we have this common interest. But guess i'm wrong. He told me his reason and I thought was very sensible. His reason was valid. He's not wrong. But i'm sure i'm not wrong either. Coz my reason was juz purely dancing. He told me he dun wanna do the wrong thing. So.. which means.. next time, if he wants to go to this kind of places.. I'm going to be super duper wary. I'm going to expect him being unfaithful etc.. Guess guys can't control themselves. My purpose of going club with him is because I wan him to feel secure. I tot he'll feel better rather than Me going alone. but I think i'm making things worse.

So the conclusion is go or dun go forever kind of thing. Haiz. I'm destined to make this kind of decision all the time. I think I can dun go because of him. But another part of me feels that if he really loves me, y can't he let me go. It's not as though i wanna always go. I only go once in a blue moon, I really feel it's not a unreasonable request. Am I unreasonable? I feel so sad.. he nv think of my feelings.. he said sorry last night when he was drunk. He said he's afraid of losing me. I dun wanna lose him to. I love him! I got a very bad feeling abt us when he was abt to come back. Dunno it's for real. it's going to be a great test for both of us. Either we'll make it or break it.. I'm prepared. For the anything.. I've been through the worse.. immune to hurt already i guess..
But no matter what.. i'm giving my best. That's all i know..

Meeting up with my family really cheered me up. I brought my mum and bro to TPY for dinner. Also it was juz a simple dinner at a food court, I felt very warm hearted. Everyone seemed to be so impatient with me. For example when i park the car, taking sauce for food. Haiz.. pple are so impatient. I went home and watched All these was yesterday.
This morning, Jason called again. Finally he's coming back! I have lesson until abt 5pm. hope to see him soon! yippe. Although I still feel affected by that day's conversation, I still love him.. Hope he feels the same way..

This is the 1st time feeling so sian after talking to him. I know it's my fault that I've gone clubbing. However, I felt that he did not realised the days when I had to reject severals invitations. If I wan, I could hav gone many times rather than just once.
He kept on repeating about the bad times he had been through in his previous relationship. However, he din realise that everytime he said it, it makes me feel that I am not difference from his ex gf. I thought if his mum doubts me it wun be a big prob coz as long as darling trust me I'm happy. But I realised that's not the case now. Why can't he just say "No worries. I trust you darling." If he's not going to look forward towards our relationship but backwards and sees me as another gal similar to her ex.. I feel like giving up already. I can't imagine in years to come when he's going to say the same thing again and again. We hav been together for 7 months already!! I can't take it.
If I wan, I can also say that what is happening to me now is the same as what has happened during my previous relationship. When he doesn't wan to trust me, doesn't not appreciate my efforts. I also dun wan the same old cycle to happen again. I had enough of it the last 3 yrs.. thinking of it makes me wanna cry again.. sianz!
Lynn juz msg me that she's not going jogging already. Haiz.. I'm so sian with my life suddenly. So unhappy.. Life like I say.. meaningless sometimes. Jason and I talked on the phone just now. Acting as though nothing happened. I hate that! the prob will always remains.. nv go away..

I wonder how's darling. Hope he's fine. I'm thinking of him every minute..
I met my friend Catherine from zhongua today. We had a great time taking lots of photos from suntec to fullerton and to boat quay. I was chatting with her at a cafe with darling's mummy called me. I din hear the call as my hp's tone was quite soft. Therefore, when I returned call, she ask me if Jason called. I told her no. She asked jojo to ask where I was and if I was DATING! I'm not sure if i was oversensitive. But she doesn't sound like she was joking. Haiz.. Guess darling's mummy doesn't trust me. Feeling a little hurt. But the most importantly, I'm sure darling trusts me. So that comforts me alittle. I prayed for him again.. I hope he's doing fine..loving him.. dreamt of him so many times..

suddenly.. i feel as though i dun have the mood to do anything anymore. Darling just called me. He sounded different. He was in the hospital! He was having a fever. I'm so worried. Having fever and on drip seems quite serious man.. I hope he'll get well soon to complete his training.. just a few more days to go.. He has to complete his coz this time if not it would be too demoralising on his part.. I pray for him.. Love him always.. always in my heart.

hi there,
today.. I went to ikea with lynn and she saw what happened at the queue towards getting our food at the cafe. There was this woman who was telling the staff off about having to repeat thrice before her order was understood. The staff just kept quiet and continued their job. I feel so sad for them. If I was just beside that woman, I think I would tell the lady off. This kind of character could be found in many people nowadays. Repeating your order will not hurt you in anyway rite? Y can't people be more tolerate? My assumption is that this woman must have enjoyed her life being a customer and nv experience working as a waiteress or in any type of service line before. At least she should try to put herself into their shoes! Maybe I could understand coz I've worked as a waitress before. I think it is very important to experience and understand the work and life of others in order to be more tolerate. I really hope my kids or even students will not grow up to be like her.
On the other hand, I feel that is the staff were in anyway, rude or unpleasant, it would be reasonable to complain because they are in the service line. However, it little things such as repeating orders could be tolerated. They were so helpless as they couldn't defend themselves. Haiz.

Next, I feel really sad about what is happening in Myammar. Why is the world getting more and more chaotic each day? Y would people have the heart to sacriface and hurt humans? Where's the humanity? I really hope the Gen will at least think about his people rather than his own needs.

I gtg now.. study time.. bye..

i'm so happy!~ careen replied! She mentioned abt keeping in touch and friendship forever! GUess we have all grown up and it's time to put all our grudges behind us.. I'm so tired. Going to sleep soon. Good nitey. Shall read my ss books to sleep!

darling called me last night. He sounded happier. I feel for relieved too. He's coming back next friday! I've started watching Heroes. Quite a ok show for me for the 1st episode so far. Anyway, I'm going to work hard today. Wanna do my social studies project already..
btw, I dreamt of Careen. She seemed to be crying and asked me the reason of her having so few friends around her. Well, this could be a dream only. But I was kind of affected. I hope she's fine. I decided to message her in friendster. Whether a not she wanna reply is up to her. At least i'm doing my part as a friend if she still treats me as one. shall go for lesson now.. goodie bye...

so sleepy.. no mood to study leh..
Just now darling called! so happy to hear his voice.But he doesn't sound very happy. I feel so worried for him. I guess he doesn't wan to be frank with me coz he dun wan me to be worried for him. Haiz. This would onli make me worry more den ever. I told him to stay strong for another 2 weeks and everything would be better. I miss him. Cant wait for him to be back. Love him deep.

i'm so happy!! The camp was so fun! although it was tiring, my feet with blisters, sandfly bites and days without bathing.. it was fulfilling. I got to understand myself better. I know ways to go beyond my limits. I am no longer afraid of kayaking or the sea. Heights may not be a hinder too. The 3 p - people, process and product is something which i have to decide to prioritize on when i lead or go out to teach in future.
I got in touch with webb. It's been a long time since i've tok to him. He was the same batch as huizhen. It's great keeping in touch with pple u have lost touch with.
2 weeks more be4 darling is back.. I miss so much..so much till when i saw the full moon on moon cake festival during my camp.. i wonder if he's also looking at it..
GTG n sleep now.. my muscles are aching like hell.. can't stand it anymore..

so long nv blog again..also dunno y.. there's always ups and down in a relationship.. there will be a few points in time when u will lose confidence in the relationship.. Now i'm just a little doubtful here and there. wondering will my relationship with jason last.. I need the assurance now.. but he's away.. Telling me will not work too. So the problem lies with me.. not him.
This morning.. he called at the right time when i'm feeling this way. I was still sleeping when i heard my phone rang. I told him I missed him and he told me he missed me so much!! I wish for a pat on my head and a big hug now..
I went to visit my primary school today.. It was really a good visit. I met my ex form teacher Mdm Ho and a Chinese teacher who used to dote on me. Luckily they could still remember me!! My brother went with me and we had a great time talking to them.
I'm going OBS tml.. haiz.. tot days would pass very quickly so i can distract myself from missing darling too much. But i didn't know the dates fall on the day with my bro would be going for his knee operation. I feel a little sorry. However, he asked me to carry on with my plan. Guess when I'm back.. I'd wanna spend more time with him. Actually i'm not really excited abt the camp.. No matter wat.. Darling will still always be in my heart...

yoz.. long time nv blog already.. had been bz and tired. But of coz not as tired as darling.. 2 days ago.. there were invitation to go club again.. I din go.. coz i dun feel like going and it's for honey once again.. keke.. think i hav been spending too much money on food.. better behave manz..
I didn;t attend dance this week coz of my stupid proj.. arrggg.. i'll be going for obs camp soon.. so exciting.. hope i still can take all the challenges keke.. i dun hav a choice liao anyway.. haha
wondering how is darling coming along. 1 week has passed. 3 more weeks to go. missed him as much. love him as much. Hope he feels the same way too..

i slept at 11plus last night.. i was really tired. Went to school straight from chalet. This was what i recorded in my words doc as i was waiting for lynn to pass me the network cable.
"Hiya.. I feel so relieved now! I talked to darling just now. He called! He wasn’t angry with me thank goodness. Really hope he trusts me. But I’m very worried. He says that he fell and his back and knee hurts. How I hope I can be there with him now.. I hope he’ll stay strong. Love and miss him so much! "

When I woke up at 6.15am just now. I heard my hp rang. It was darling! He called at the right time. He told me that someone was caught using the phone and all phones are going to be confiscated. haiz. not being able to hear his voice for a month would be dreadful.. i gtg now. going to work on my project..

i went to su min's birthday party at a ktv pub yesterday.. Played pool, listen to the pple sing etc.. I chose to drive coz I decided not to drink too much.
I got to confess something.. I felt pretty bored and thought of going clubbing again.. I really miss dancing.. really! this time it's not about getting to know guys, wanting to drink... i just wanna dance freely.. I really tried joining all the clubs.. but they don't give me the same enjoyment as what cubbing do.. haiz.. Everything is so restricted. the movements, the steps, everyone has to dance the same way. But when u club, everything comes from you.
I asked peiying is she wanna go. So we went MOS. I took a super long time to consider my decision. haiz... The only person stopping me is of coz darling. 1) I'm there to dance.. nothing else. 2) the main purpose why darling din wan me to go there is coz he's afriad i might be taken advantage of.. which i knew that would not happen. Coz I didn't drink! Although guys approached. But I rejected and moved away. I was very persistent in rejecting them. I swear.. I realised that after going, part of me felt happy. Another part of me felt so bad.. I dunno if darling can trust me.. I din do anything wrong for sure.. nothing unfaithful.. haiz.. overall.. I din really enjoy to the fullest. Not without darling's presence. How i hope he's with me.. as i promised, I dun wanna lie.. I'd rather he be angry with me than to lie and he finds out in the end. I love him.. if he loves me, he'd trust me.. I'm not as playful as the past anymore.. coz i've got him..and i'm waiting for him to be back. love him!

DARLING's back at last!! He's going thailand at 3pm and having lesson!! so shitty right! anyway, I went to fetch him, went beach road, walked for a super long time before finding the market where he had to buy his baggy.. guess what? I saw a frd.. he's jimmy, who took my photograph while i was helping my frd to do the photo shoot. what a coincident right? keke.. k la.. will update more when he's away.. gtg..byez..

for 11/9/07..
Today for basketball, my teacher asked me to demonstrate lay-up for the class! Yippie.. So fun.. But during game, i felt i wasn't really serious or i din apply all the faking that I've been practicing so far.. We learnt lay-ups and ways to gain points.. eg.. to move into space towards the basketball direction.

Oh ya.. i woke up early morning to play tennis with lynn.. jen yang came after that to join us.. for less than 5 mins.. haha. It was fun too!

After bball lesson, had my proj meeting, i went for tuition.. after i came back to hall.. ate cup noodles! at last i got to eat cup noodles again.. I went for hall dance after that.. The way they teach is less clear.. but not bad also la.. coz we get to have exposure and perform.. cool.. Can help me improve my memory by remembering the steps.. gtg not.. tml got presentation! good luck to myself.. I'll go home tml to stand by for darling to come back.
BYEZ!

It was raining this morning and we played soccer in the mud. It was quite fun actually. Haha. I just realised that my classmate happened to be my brother's sis's sis! so coincident! Anyway, my wish came true, darling called me! 3 times today.. he might be coming back either on wed or thurs. Friday he'll be leaving for thailand..

I went for dance in the evening. So fun.. They were doing hip hop. Haiz.. the thing about this kind of class is that you don't get to do free style. Clubbing at least you do. well.. I told darling about my temptation last weekend.. he asked me to go ahead. The more he ask me to go the more i dun feel like going already haha.

I was telling lynn over dinner about being anxious after jason is back. I'm afraid he might feel that i have no time for him. Or not used to our different lives now. Will it be better than before or worse? I'm afraid he might be too free to get to know new gals and forget about me. Keke. Well if that's the case, too bad lor... This would be a test for both of us. Of coz I'll still try to manage my time and balance between darling, schwork and family.

I'm going to work hard for school coz i want a higher pay and better prospect. I wonder if darling minds about my education level.. Or is he really going to upgrade himself. I'm just worried for our future. I know he has the capability to climb high in his career, but no matter wat, being in singapore and in the realistic world, we know that education plays a very important role. I hope that darling would really consider. I dun wanna nag at him.. Scared he mistaken about me despise him of his education status or something. I just told lynn that i really dunc his education level as a problem for us. I look at character more than anything else. I love the way he is.. But it's just for our future i guess.. Let's be realistic. Who doesn't want security and good life in future? Haha.

Counting down.. let's say he's coming on thursday..3 days from now..

today.. my temptation to go club was really really high!! luckily, i was able to overcome it.. I know i have things to do. But i'm just bored! i wanna dance freely! I tot of going club but not drinking. But I rem giving my word to honey that i wun go unnecessarily. I went for breakfast with my bro.. stayed at home playing music, went out with my parents to chinatown for dinner. The Lor Moi was delicious.. Found it at last! We spend quite sometime at this station where there's one old man who was chanting and saying that he'd want to provide 4 digit numbers for certain people.. he was telling us how accurate his god was. The way i saw how he hits the statue made me stared at disbelief. He 's not respecting the god wat.. haiz.. He was then showing the power of his tailsman. He claimed that he's going to give them out for free.. but after that, he took out this product, wanting us to buy! many tables were also set up to pull people to the tables for fortune telling.. I really think this could be fake.. hopefully he are really helping the society and not cheating them.
There's something which I remembered which happened yesterday. When I was with my granny at the hospital, there was this couple which I shared the table with during my lunch. They were at least 80 years old i supposed. However, they were still so loving! The old man was teasing the old woman about him eating a piece of dish and his wife eating another at a time. He knew my presence and did it intentionally! Most probably, the old woman was the patient and he said that he came to the hospital because the food there is good and not because he wanted to come and visit his wife. haha.. So funny! I envied them man. I hope me love life will be as everlasting as them.. If not, I'll rather be single. Y make yourself so miserable when you can choose to led a happier life? I miss Jason soooo much.. What is he doing now? How is he? I don't know... Hope to hear from him soon.. Hope he's feeling strong..

It's been a long time since i'm blogged. It's caused by the stupid mio installation. So much problem that i still had to go to macdonald's to serve the free internet access!
I celebrated jojo's birthday yesterday.. as well as jeremy's arrival. I talked to him quite a lot yesterday. Seems like a nice guy. I gave him my num. Told him that I treat siblings very well, like that jason. haha.. so any problem can always call me.
I went to fetch jojo from school. Before that, Jason called! missed his voice.. he said he wanted to wish her happy birthday.. I passedthe message to her after that.. Brought her home, taught her maths and brought her to watch ratatuille! Average show i can say.. jojo got distracted after an hour or so.. but i made her stay.. before and after, we went arcade. She wanted to play many games and when the card that i topped up for her has finished, she asked me to go top up more. I felt that she should not be like that. Therefore, I talked to her after that. I told her that she should learn to be more considerate and don't do things for the sake of herself without thinking for others. She knows that there are many people who are very nice to her, but she should not take things for granted. I hope darling would not mind me teaching her all these skills ya.. I love her as much as he do and I want jojo to grow up with a big heart.. :)
Dunno y.. I'm feeling so stress! I seem to have so many things to do! I better pull my socks and do something about it. Think I'm too slack this week. Btw, the music school called me! The principal asked me to take night classes on weekdays. I think if i'm single, I would have taken all days. But I decided to take monday and thursday instead. On monday, after teaching music, I can still accompany darling. Tuesday, I might be joining a hall dance team after tuition. Wednesday, I'm free. Thursday, after tuition, I can go straight to teach music. Friday.. free for any plans. Weekends.. not touched yet.. My ex frisbee teammates are asking me if i wanna join sing open.. I'm considering man.. hmm.. It's so overwhelming! So many things to consider. Haiz.
I still have bball elearning stuf to do, SS story writing, critical perspective individual and group assignment, m and e elearning. so many things! I must finish at least the basketball one today! gtg now.. byez

Hey..
I woke up at about 7 plus and headed to the gym with lynn. My initial plan was to do weights and den play table tennis. HOwever, Eric and Ruoying called me and asked me to go jogging around NTU and I did! it was about 5 click i guess. Hmm.. sprinted at the end coz of the stupid rain. Then we continued with our table tennis. It was very fun!
We went for soccer when JiaYi taught was how to do volley. Learning in a small group really helps a lot. Feedback was given immediately. I enjoyed the session. For M and E, we still continued with solving mean, mode and median. Standard deviation was also introduced.
We went for lunch after that. I was super hungry. Den we headed to get our SS books, and submitted my OBS form! hooray! going for camp again!
Next we were on our way back to hall when I had to rush for tution. I headed to hougang point to pass the thumbdrive back to my ex student. Load off me now! When I was about to reach my house, after turning, I need to reverse and park into my hse's lot. THen there's this taxi driver who din bother to wait and forced me to drive forward. My unit after my neighbour gave me a dirty look as though i did something wrong. They were so inconsiderate to park the cars along phillips ave near to my house and still dare to give me that look! Most prob they din know i wanted to drive back to my hse. Anyway.. I was just frustrated that y do pple have to be so impatient and have to show pple unhappy faces in order to make themselves feel better? HAiz... I hope my students in future will not grow up to be like that..
I ended up eating instant noodles.. no one was at home to eat with me.. watched tv and slacked. Darling called me. Reminded me that he misses me. I rememebered eric mentioning to me about his frd who was also from commando, married and his wife betrayed him coz she always go club and was with his colleague who was also getting married. This guy claimed that the gal was the one who seduced him and he felt it was ok. Eric couldn't stand it and walked away. He said that there were so many this kind of cases.. No wonder darling din like me to club. But I hope if i can give him this kind of security, he would give me the same kind of security.. I cannot stand betrayal.. If wat is expected of me is not applicable to him, den I feel that it's not fair and no point following it.. well.. most importantly, i trust he will not do that.. :)

today.. i find it a dread to wake up for the 8.30 lesson.. but i was early.. lynn told me she dreamt of me getting A for my critical perspective assignment.. And guess what? I really did! Hooray.. A good start for me.. I went gym to di my triceps. Den we headed for M and E lesson. They were discussing about the pros and cons of using different kinds of graphic representions to show statistics..
I went to play tennis with lynn after that. LOng time since I played.. the kick is back!
Then we went to the clinic for my check up for outward bound. I had an injection.. Painful.. but worth the cost. keke.
Next we returned back to hall, bathed and took a nap. I woke up and changed into my dance attire and went for dance.. they taught hip hop today and i enjoyed the session very much. After that I waited for lynn and we went to boon lay market for dinner and now i'm here! Going to bathe now.. tataz.

Today.. I went back to zhonghua primary school to sign out. The school had called me, send me a letter to ask me to go back and sign out. On the last day of my sch, I 've forgotten to sign out. keke. Too excited to leave. Haha. When I was on my way home, I saw my P3 students! They called for me.. I really missed them.. haiz..
THere was a heavy rain when i reached NIE. I was drenched despite i drove. Irritating. I had basketball lesson and den discussion on critical perspective. The tutor din really guide us.. but we knew we were on the right track so we are going ahead with our plans.
I went for tuition. I asked grace if her granny always ask her to drink or eat whenever she comes down from the stairs. She said not really.. It tiggered me to ask her because I saw her granny coming down the stairs. I went on with my lesson. Who knows.. her granny came and offered her milk! haha.. both of us laughed.
I returned to hall after that.. I wanted to jog.. but the rain was huge. so i decided to forget about it. I checked my mails and vanessa came back asking me to send her to nie. I went to jurong point to meet lynn and went shopping at NTUC!! spent abt 40 bucks! Haiz.. gtg now.. btw.. darling called just now.. says he will be away at outfield for a few days and wun be back.. 20 more mins to his birthday.. "Happy Birthday to him" :) tataz.

Well.. today.. i woke up several times to check my phone to see if jason called me. Billy called me after that saying jason called him and mentioned that he'll be out either at 11 or 12pm. I decided to go see the doc 1st then head over to fetch his mum and den go over.. I went there twice.. 1st i reached there at 10 plus.. den jason asked me to go back and get his phone and wallet and return back when he called. We headed to beach road to buy his neccessities after that and had lunch. It felt good to be the passenger again. haha.

We went to compass point to look for a waterproof pouch but to no avail and headed to fetch jojo from sch. Went back to his home to let him rest.. It felt good to be cuddling with him again, holding hands together etc..

Later, we headed to houngang mall for a walk.. ate kfc and ice-cream.. think i better watch my diet haha. By 8pm he has to leave house.. we returned home for dinner, he cut his hair and bathed. Then I prepared the birthday cake for him. All of us sang song for him. Wondered what wish he made.. hope it would come true.. Now.. I just came back from his camp.. he's back there. My heart had sunken again.. though I din wanna make it too obvious.. Miss him again.. shall wait for his return on 14 or 15 of september 2007.. now.. i got to get back to my work already..

27/8/07
I was woken up by darling's mum today. Jason's dad's car had problem and again and they were heading to pray to their ancesters. So Jason's dad exchanged the car with mine for that time being. My dad came back and said,"I didn't know the car can even change colour on its own!" haha.
I had i mini quarrel with my bro today.. I told him i needed to head to chua chu kang for my friend's wedding and he still asked me to fetch him to sim lim square to repair his com. He felt that i could have told him directly how i feel rather than agree and den complain. Which is quite true la.. Anyway, i tot he could be more considerate too.. Coz i wan him to know i hate rejecting him and he should be auto enough to decide on the favours to ask from me. Anyway, he talked it out and we are fine now..
THe malay wedding was so interesting. This was the 1st time in my life attending a malay wedding. We ate first and waited for the bride and bridegroom to arrive, there were drum and silat performance.. The couple were like king and queen. The performances were meant to show to the couple rather than the guests.. It seemed to be an honour to perform for both of them. Even NUrah also performed. She's representing singapore to do silat. By the way.. it's Yusman wedding. It was a good opportunity to gather our classmates too.. Fun! After the phototaking session, most of us left. I went to fetch my mummy from chua chu kang central and headed home.
At night, I was waiting for jason to call but to no avail. I went over to jason's place to look at his newly designed room by his parents. I went with them to hougang mall for dinner while i search frantically for the birthday cake. Hope at least we have the time to sing a song, cut and eat the cake tml..
I decided to take a break tml.. Coz I better be on stand by.. I knoe he'd need the car.. how can i be so selfish and let he use someone else's car while he pass his to me.. must be mad right.. So i'm going to sleep now.. tml shall wake up earlier to stand by and have to see a doctor.. keke..
gtg now.. buaiz

Arrgg..I actually I wrote wat i wanted to write already.. However, after clicking the add image icon.. Everything was refreshed and gone.. So irritating.. Anyway.. the main thing is I'm look forward to see my darling honey.

I took this pic went sending jojo home from my hse. After that both my mum and I went town for a walk to somerset..

gtg now.. sleepy..

Record for 24/8/07.
I woke up really early for my basketball lesson which was at 7.30am. After that I went back home to get my books for assignment and returned home. I took a nap, ate my lunch and practice music again. Next, I was on my way for my music exam!
I dun really know why, but this round I seemed rather calm, I was chatting with my teacher’s daughter when it was my turn.
That examiner looked like Beethoven sia! Haha. He tested me the scales and I thought I handled it rather well. My 1st 2 songs were quite ok, however, my last song I made the same mistake again. Damn it! Think he was pretty helpful. Anyway, I smiled all the way. Before I left the room, I asked him, “So, did I manage to pass my exam?” He paused and said, “I think you did.” And he smiled. Hooray! It means I’ve passed for sure!
I went for tuition for Grace after that. Later I went over to darling’s place to fetch jojo. I decided to bring her home to give her tuition. She’s right now with me.. Talking to my brother keke.. Staying overnight.. gtg now.. Feeling great! 2 more days to go before darling’s back!

Hello! it's 2 am and i'm still not sleeping..
As in 23/8/07, I woke up really late.. too tired to go eat breakfast with mummy and roy.. I ate lunch, practice music and washed the car. Vacummed and cleaned the interior as well as cleaning the exterior of coz. I wanted to open up the bonnet and add water to the compartment but dunno how to open it. Pulled the trigger but when i wanted to pull the bonnet up, it got stuck. Anyway, I tried calling my friends but no one answered. Therefore, I pushed it back and dun dare to do anything to it 1st.. AFter soccer, Anu taught me how to do it.. It's all about strength and pushing the trigger in the bonnet itself.
Because of this, I was late for my group meeting.. treated them ribena keke. My tuition will be changed to later at 4.30 sharp.
I saw an email on scuba diving 5 or 10 bucks onli.. so cheap right?! Coz it's held in s'pore swimming pool.. but i dun mind joining.. shall wait for darling to come back and we can sign up together. Another thing is, I recieved an email on overseas work attachments in USA. I'm very much interested coz this experience could be shared with my students in future and gaining more contacts if i wanna do students exchange in future for my sch... The attachment will be at least 2 months.. I told my dad about it and he said if it doesn't clashes with my sch work.. I should go.. Haiz.. the onli thing that is holding me back is my honey.. I wonder if he'd be supportive.. I'll surely miss him lor.. let's wait till he return and we shall discuss abt it.. There'd be a briefing and i'll go listen to it 1st. It's going to be real exciting! hmm.. But i think if i wanna go.. they might not choose me too.. there should be some criteria to be met i guess.. we shall see..
Darling called my home just now.. i thought he called my hp.. but i din c any miss calls.. did he wanted to speak to my parents are what.. keke.. He said he wanted to hear my voice.. sweet.. miss him terribly.. said he might be coming back on sunday night. I hope it's really going to be sunday night.. Will be waiting... if that's the case, it's 3 more days!yippie!
I've got my music exam later.. hopefully, things dun get messed up.. i wanna pass this exam badly man.. good luck to myself. haah.. byez

yoz.. I'm so happy today.. by the way.. blogging for 22/8/07
I din sleep for the whole night coz i had to submit my assignment. But i'm done! down with one.. yippie! But i couldn't concentrate my measurement and evaluation lesson.. anyway.. it was pretty boring.. my class decided to change the lesson to a better time slot. We went into JiaYi's room.. saw a picture of little girl.. din know he was married! We wanted to change our soccer for thursday to another day.. then my thursday would be free! so shiok..

I went back hall to sleep for 3 hrs and went for dance. We did Jazz dance.. i find it rather hard to grasp man.. and my knee still hurt.. But it was still fun.
I went to play our semi finals for basketball Interclass Games.. and we got 1st! Yippee! Jean, Anu, Lynn, Simin and I were the only ones playing.. Although i didn't score this time, I still feel satisfied coz i thought my defending skills has improved.

I wanna tok about an incident during a game.. I was slapped by one yr gal. She did not even apologise. She gave me a dirty look. I got to thank her for that, coz i really went all out to defend and get the ball.. keke
Anyway, after the game, we thanked our opponents and everybody smiled to me except her who gave me another dirty look! I was super pissed and confronted her. I told her that she slapped me just now and din even apologise.. I was talking her in a joking manner, she smile and once she turn to another direction, her face was damn black la.. I think these pple have to be told wat is right and wrong.. Especially for her, she's going to be a teacher in the future, if she herself doesn't have sportsmanship, what about her students in future.. I'm quite surprised and sad about this issue.. I hope she's affected by what i've said to her.. becoz very soon.. she'll be learning about sports etiqutte..
DArling's mummy told me that annie is married recently.. I told her i knew about it through friendster. Johnson told her about it. She said that Jason's dad thinks she'll regret in future coz it seems to be a sudden decision. Well it happened that the guy was not her past fiance. Anyway.. y care so much.. it has nothing to do with me.. keke
I'm home right now.. slacking for a while. Just finished bathing and practicing music. I'm going to have breakfast with mummy and roy later.. practice music, tuition and back to school for lesson.. 4 more days be4 i can c darling..

acct for 21/8/07
Darling called me today! He whispered to me and I whispered back. He was calling me secretly in the toilet and i was in the library. It was pretty funny actually whispering to each other like dat.. Hope he din get caught. He reminded me abt being able to come out either on sunday night or monday afternoon. Good for me coz it doesn't clash with my soccer on monday morning.
I woke up for bball today.. learning how to pass through my opponents can be quite challenging. I learnt how to do crossover and pivoting.
I had a project meeting over lunch and i headed back to hall. I went for tuition. Then return to school. Went library before joining Anu to practice bball for inter-class games. My team is top in the chart. Tml is the finals. However, our star player like Vanessa wun be ard. Hope we still can win. I scored a ball during the games.. felt that was an achievement coz i dun usually perform during competition. I find it hard to stay calm during competition and i'm starting to learn it.. However, during the last game, a gal happened to hit into my right knee. It's still quite painful now. Scary.. i dun wan to dislocate my knee like my bro... will put a guard tml..

hiya.. I drove to SRC early this morning. Traffic was pretty heavy. I brought more clothes and bolster to school. With my bolster.. i can sleep better. I miss hugging honey.. I'm counting down.. 7 more days before i'll meet him. I'll stand by after my soccer lesson next monday. Hopefully he'll be released after my lesson. If not i dunno what the arrangement will be like.
My soccer lesson was quite frustrating today. It's because I had difficulty faking.. and doing the sharp turns. I wanna practice bring the ball back using the ball of my foot, using inner foot and outer foot. I also wanna master the Cruff Turn created by Johan Cruyff. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1k7DGqRF5g&search=cruyff is an example. I also brought my street soccer ball for practice. Vanessa was teaching me how to kick the ball high and up. Den the alarm for the lightning rang.. JiaYi asked us to stop..
I return get to hall slack and bathed. Then decided to start on my critical perceptive assignment. I was trying so hard to find out what humanity means. In chinese we call that "ren xing" That's what we humans should possess.. being sensitive, compassionate towards the environment and the people around us.
I took a nap in between. When I woke up... I suddenly felt lonely again. When i was heading to the toilet, one of the hall mate said hi to me in a bubbly manner. I realised the "fun and bubbly" rachel seem to have gone.. Am i growing older that i lost touch with fun or what? haiz.. I dun wanna be a boring rachel. I wan my life to be adventurous and fun. I asked peiying to join me for the dance beat at nee an city on 2 september 2007. I wanna dance! I'm going to get the application form for OBS.. Not only i wanna know more contacts which may help me with my future career, but it's time for me to see if I have matured throughout the years as i've joined OBS Sabah 5 years ago.. I wanna find an identity for myself.. knowing my strengths and weaknesses. This would help me find more meaning in life. I hope darling would support me.. no matter what i do.. My heart will always be with him..

Hello.. I woke up early today to practise my music.. Think my scales are improving. YEah! I had lunch at home and went for my music lesson. My teacher gave me a trial exam and i passed. I hope he was strict and not lenient... coz i wanna know me actual standards for the actual exam.
Later i went home and wanted to start doing my sch work.. but i was not motivated today.. must be the rainy day..
I brought my mummy out for dinner at upper serangoon rd for the teo chew porridge. The "ah li shan" very ex man! 20++ for 2 of us..
When i reach home.. i wanted to start to do my work.. but i ended up sleeping. haiz.. then i woke up again.. went over to jason's house to pass jojo her present for acheiving full marks for her spelling. I gave jason's mum a lift to work.. and i returned home.
Suddenly.. i felt lonely.. i was thinking about those sundays when i usually accompany dear for soccer and go out at night.. I dreamt of him during my nap.. I dreamt that my friends told me jason was coming back and led me to go to another place. But it was a lie and i was very disappointed..
I was so boliao just now and i took lots of shots.. for fun... got to go and do my work now.. c ya.. bye.. flying kisses to my baby.. hope he gets it.. haha muack!

Hi there.. writing for today's blog of coz! haha..
woke up at 11 plus.. I practiced my music.. now i feel scared coz my music exam is this coming friday! I had lunch with my dad, grandma and my brother. I had an interesting session with them. I asked my daddy to translate for me and ask my granny about what happened during the japanese occupation. My granny said that they stayed in the drain for days and there wasn't any rice and they had to pound the tapioca and turnip into soft subtance to eat as porridge. The japanese soldiers took my grandpa and grandma into a lorry and threw them into a hole. The batch before them were buried alive. However, they din know y.. they were released! If they were not release, I wun be even in existence!
Later, i went over to jason's hse and brought jojo over. She finished all her homework and studied for her spelling except for her chinese homework. After that i let her used my com to play some maths game.
I drove my family to TPY to pick my bro up. Den we headed to serangoon broadway for dinner and took the photos. The steamboat coffee shop was super crowded and my mum queued up for us while i go get the photos. I food was really good. I'll bring dear dear there when he comes back.. The individual shot that i've chosen can see the ring that honey have given me clearly. . I happened to noticed it just now.. haha.
Peiying called me and asked me about huizhen. Coz she's going to get married soon and she's puzzled but it.. and also asked y i went missing.. nv inform her about the change of hp num. She was looking for company today.. but i just wanna spend time with my family and do my sch work.. so told her another day..
We went to serangoon gardens for desert.. darling's family were also there.. and jojo left with them.
I dunno y.. but felt quite affected when jason's mum told me that she saw annie at their void deck yesterday. Y in the world things are so coincident? my family met theirs and they met annie.. haiz.
Den my mummy asked jojo if she prefer me or annie.. she said me.. my mum asked y and jojo told my mummy that she always make a lot of noise in his room and gives him love bites..etc.. hmm.. i dun feel good.. haiz. how i hope darling is here to reassure me now. I need him.. haiz.. I dun wanna hear the history.. coz if i hear it.. i'd think too much and will start to get paranoid.. this would affect us. . I got to understand things are over now.. so just move on..
dunno y.. when i entered friendster just now.. i went to look into annie's acct.. it's not in the private mode anymore. she seems to be engaged with a guy whose most probably her fiance..
Seems happy.. I can't deny that she looked very pretty indeed.. at some point, i feel threatened coz i felt she was prettier than me.. haha. dumb right? but.. i believe everyone is special in their own way.. but i just need him to assure me now.. tell me i'm prettier than her in some other ways? keke. comparing sux. but i juz can't help it. But i'm proud of myself in many ways.. i'm proud to have a teaching as a career near future. I'm a very determined person who doesn't give up easily.. Love to help people who are in need. I'm proud that pple can't take advantage of me anymore coz i've learnt how to stand up for myself. My dream to go to the university and study has been accomplished. Know how to play music.. guitar, organ and piano.. not many pple can do that.. sporty, musically inclined, girlie when i wanna be.. not all gals can be like that.. That's who i am.. I feel better now. Haha. Most importantly, i'm proud to hav jason as my bf.. :)
He called again just now. BUt din tell me abt the loss of his money.. wonder if everything is ok.. gtg not..missing him as always.. looking forward to 27th when he'll be out.

report for 17/8/07
My honey called me yesterday.. after i blogged. Seems like my wish came true. Haha.
I woke up at 6 plus this morning. I was early for lesson. YESH! We learnt dribbling today. I realised the yr 2 deg gals are very good that bball too.
After lesson, i had breakfast with my classmates and den went to the gym. I did bicepts and shoulders today. My whole body is aching now.. I really need a massage.. ;p My friend ask me to go club tonight. But i rejected him. keke. This is the second rejection made this week. I wanna be good gal..
I went to the library and search for resources for my proj.. wanna try to finish as much as possible. I rushed back to hall and prepare to head to fort canning.. went by aye to cte and out to merchant. now i know how to go there already. Yesh! The field trip was very interesting. The wax men looked so real. I could feel what was going on on the plot of land during british and jap occupation.
Later, i went to pump petrol. five day pump once huh. Den fetch my mummy to amk. Met my dad and bro for dinner. We bought 881 movie tickets. The movie was very touching. I teared so many times. I'm quite frustrated with myself. I can't stand myself being so emotional.. but i just can't help it! arrgg.. the movie tell us about treasuring ur life, maintaing relationship, doing things which would make you or others happy.. etc. meaningful
After the movie.. we headed to amk hub (we watched at jubille) and guess who i saw? U would nv believe it! i saw jason's whole family walking in front of my family. Haha.. I called jojo. Den i introduced jason's parents to my parents. haha.. really a small whole huh..
Went amk hub and bought a pair of shorts while my bro was deciding to buy the phone at singtel.
Headed home after that. I practiced music again. I realised my exam is next week! better work harder. Now i'm super sleepy.. going to sleep now..nitey..

Recount for 16/8/07
I woke up at 8 plus this morning. It was going to rain and lynn and i decided not to go jog. However, i still have to return our book. Therefore, I took the shuttle bus and headed to the library. Then i went to the gym. Did my triceps and ran 7 click. Shiok man. Then i went home bathed and picked my brother up for lunch. Brought him over to my hall's canteen and showed him my room.
Then i drove him to queensway for his physio. I brought a pair of slippers which cost 30 plus. I had to consider for a super long time. Not like the past anymore. Jojo called and told me she had full marks for her spelling! great to hear that. Think I'm going to give her a new wallet.
Later i drove for my tuition. I was very angry with myself coz i missed the PIE (changi) junction. And i went all the way to upper thomson rd and had to return. There goes my petrol.
My brother asked me to pick him up tml but i'm going to Fort canning park and it will not be on the way. Sometimes, I think it's ok to reject right? Must learn how to do it.. Now i understand y darling din wanna come all the way to boonlay to fetch me from pasir ris.
After tution, i went back nie for measurement and evaluation lesson. Then soccer. We played games. Think i was too tired to move today. Tml i still have a 7.30 lesson. got to wake up real early.
I just returned from a gathering session with my hall friends. Venessa introduced my level's gals to me. We played taboo and i decided to leave 1st. Wanna blog. I messaged billy today to ask about jason.. but he din reply.. I wonder if he received if a not. I was watching the 9.30 channel 8 show. It reminded me of him.
Anu asked me if i'm interested to join OBS singapore during this september holidays. I thought maybe i should just give it a shot since it's been a long time since i camp and this would keep me occupied. If not i'll go crazy missing jason.. haiz..
Btw, i was toking to my poly friend juz now. She was asking if jason was my sec frd. She said she saw him at xiuzhen's place be4. She also complimented both of us looked good together! :) I'm really looking forward to hear anything from anybody abt him.. darling.. r u thinking of me now..? haiz.. good nite..

blogging for 15/8.
I supposed to leave at 7am today. Coz i had to give roy a ride to OCS. However, i was waiting my friends to arrive as they a slightly late. Roy complained that i could have left at 7 sharp and forget abt my friends. But how can i? It said that if i agreed to help someone, i have the responsibility to do a good job. He was right. But there are times which moral values and dilemma comes into the picture and we just got to tolerate with it. That's life. At least i managed to reach OCS on time.
I went over to pick Lynn and went for lesson. Looking for parking lots really sux big time. I think the next time, i'll go school at least 15 mins earlier or rather take the shuttle bus. The tutor led lecture on the Perspective of value was quite verge. It seems like value is something that is grown within us since young and there is no right or wrong coz the environment and family background will mould us and affect us to be wat we are today.
We attended Bala's lecture on measurement and evaluation for an hour. I ate lunch with lynn and went back hall for a long nap! shoik man. I beautified my board by placing some sweet messages and my darling's photo. Miss him so much!
Later in the evening, i went library to zap some necessary notes for SS. We are doing merger and separation. I borrowed the SS p4 textbook which i have to return tml be4 9am! I take this as a motivation to go jogging early in the morning.. den i can go return the book.
Then i headed for my dance lesson! So fun. It's been a long time since i danced. We did hip hop. I need the instructor to be in front or i will forget all the steps. Think I better try to train myself to count the steps and memorise them the next time. I'm going for next week's 6.30pm session. Lynn and i den went for dinner. We are now all ready and motivated to work hard.. I've just finished reading tml's lecture notes. Cool right? now i'm going to read the history textbook that i have to return tml morning.. tataz.. Btw, i decide to blog everyday so that when dear dear is back.. he can look through this and know what i've went through when he was away..

Hi there.. writing for 14/8/07

This morning, I was nearly late! But i was still on time. luckily! I offered Ro and Darren a ride to school. I couldn't find parking lots.. so no choice. got to use my cash card.. Basketball was so fun! I really like my instructor Mr Koh. He taught us how to shoot today. After lesson, we played a game of full court, 5 vs 5. There were 2 gals in my team and Mr Koh. He's so cool. I managed to fake and scored at least 3 shots for my team. And we won! hooray. My love for basketball is back!
I returned hall and unpacked my stuff again. I brought room slippers, and mat. I bathed and headed for tuition. I got my fees already. Yes! and i'm going to save it. I'm realised that her comprehension is pretty weak and i'm going to help her on that. After tuition, I took out my hp and saw an unfamiliar number. I called back and realised the number belonged to jason's friend. Jason borrowed the phone from him and wanted to call me! Haiz. I'm so sad that i didn't get to pick up his call. How is he now.. I hope he's doing well.. i miss him. I turn my phone to alert mode after that and waited and waited for him to call me.. but to no avail.
I went to pick my bro up at SAFTI and headed down to bishan to meet mummy for dinner. Then we went to the library. I wanted to borrow books but i din bring my lib card. So.. too bad for me.. When going home, i went pass a red light. There's camera around.. i just hav to cross my fingers and hope the camera is not working.. pls la.
Went i reached home, i decided to wash the car. I din get to vacum but i clean the leather seats, wash the exterier as well as polishing it ok?! My baby treat it like a wife.. i treat it like my husband.
I feel quite bad now. Roy was telling me that he is very unhappy and stress over his life now due to the fact that he felt he's wasting time serving the army while he could do something better to upgrade himself. He wanted me to send him to SAFTI later and initially i didn't want to send him coz it means i have to wake up earlier and everybody knows i love sleeping! But in the end i agreed. I feel bad now coz i felt i was a little selfish when i rejected him just now. I was considering the petrol and the time. But i could have tot abt how torturous it is to travel all the way to boon lay especially i've been through all this pain before. Moreover, he's down and i'm not really there to hear him out.. think no matter wat it is, family ties is still the most important. Money can't buy love. Therefore, I know what to do in future.
My music exams are coming! i've finished practising my songs and scales. I wanna prove to my teacher that i can score better than his expectations. I hate it when people thinks i'm very bad at something and i wann proof them wrong. And words has to power, but actions do.
I'm excited for tml's dance trial.. So cool.. i gtg now.. good night to my honey.. how i hope he can hear me now. .

I'm going to share what i did on 13 August 2007..
My baby has gone for his ranger course. He'll be away for 65 days! Boo hoo.. I felt sad when i bidded goodbye to him. But i had to act "cool".. dun wanna be emotional or i'll affect him. I went to pick Lynn up in the morning and got lost halfway.. now i know that i should exit from exit 8 to her place from AYE.
We reached hall at about 7am, went to sleep again. woke up at 8.20am. Luckily our soccer is at src.. which is just next to our hall. I was PUNCTUAL for my lesson. Yippie! Soccer was fun! There was many mini games involved to allow the students to learn how to attack better (3 vs 1 ) Then subsequent to a balanced 4 vs 4 games. However, i had problem kicking the ball high up. This was the main skill that we supposed to master. Haiz.. How i wished darling is here to teach me now.. I need him..
After lesson, I went back hall to bathe. I washed my clothes as i was bathing. I hope i can stick to this habit. Then i packed my stuff with lynn.. I realised that I've many other things which i could have brought to hall to display..eg family photo, words of motivation etc.
After everything, we watched TV, went for lunch and took a nap..
I wanna wanna tok about the tv show that i've watched. It was abt a guy who wanted to test his gf before he ask her for marriage. She went through so many cruel tricks and finally, her bf proposed to her. Lynn and I teared.. It was so touching. I dun wanna see too many of this kind of variety show.. Coz if not, my expectations for a marriage proposal wil go higher higher and HIGHer.. good luck to my soulmate :p
I met Roy in the evening for dinner at queensway.. had curry rice and laksa. Then we went ikea to look at the book shelves and wardrobes. Think we know which that the ones we wanted. I changed my mind about staying over in hall. Coz roy roy has to rush home to pray with my parents and since it's the 1st day of ghost festival, i think it's better to go home la. I can feel the home sickness already somehow.. haha.
It's the 1st day of honey's training. I wonder what is he doing now.. is he thinking the same for me?
Btw, my ziping mentioned that he dreamt about me last night. Said i went clubbing with him. keke. But i promised dear dear not to go already.. so think idea is out of my mind. He asked me to go out and drink coffee. He mentioned tml.. i said c how.. i'm quite interested to know what he has to say.. I wanna share it with darling..
I got to get back to work now.. there DED meeting tml and i haven read through my notes! Buai!

Sunday was good.. went for music.. dear told me that he decided not to ply soccer if i had plans to go out with him.. So SWEET.. Later he told me that he might have game at 3 and 5pm.. I was a little mad initially.. but he told me it was a joke.. Anyway, he still kept his word. THat's the outcome and it's still sweet. We didn't spend time together alone but with his family, then my family. But I still enjoy every minute of it. I went over to his place to give help his sis with her spelling for the next day. Then, we all went to singapore expo to look at the car show. Then we joined my parents for dinner. Later my bro suggested to go ktv and jason agreed although i know usually he's not really keen for it. I really find it sweet when he's so accommodating. I wanted to spend time with him alone seiously.. but since my bro was so keen, i also couldn't bear to reject him. I made the effort to blog now because, i want to make it a pract to blog happy events which i'd love to rem about.. not only blog when i'm upset.. coz that's usually the case. Haha. Love Jason more and more each day..

What a humid morning.. I'm going for music lesson in a while.. Yesterday, Jason picked me up fro my jamming session. I din really enjoy it maybe becoz my heart wasn't into it.. maybe without Jason's presence. He came to fetch me after that. We went for lunch and returned to his place for a nap. Later we met my best friend Xiuzhen. We went to a turkish restaurant for dinner. Quite interesting. Xiuzhen was very upset and I hope going out makes her feel better. We brought her to fetch her daughter and sent her home. Estella is so adorable! Big eyes, just like her mummy.. I wonder when will it be my turn to have a child? How will he or she look like? JAson and me went Punggol End after dat. Times has passed. Many changes has been made there. There's a platform for people to walk, people went there to fish.. JAson and I talked. I mentioned about the message the day before.. He did not even know what went wrong! He was really too tired after the wakeboarding I guess. I was too selfish to think that he did it deliberately to hurt me.. He couldn't bear to hurt me.. Coz he loves me :) and i love him.. for forever and eternity.. that's what we said to each other.. that y i slept soundly last night. haha

Well.. I just came back from a movie with Jason and my bro. We watched "My wife is a gangster 3." I had to attend my sch's anniversary celebration just now. Keilin invited me to join the rest of the collegeues as they were going somewhere else to chill out after the function. However, I already promised Jason to watch the movie he liked yesterday.. so i reject them and went on with our plan.
I made a huge mistake today which I'm sincerely regretful. That is to tell my bro abt something which Jason asked me not to tell. Coz i assumed he was telling me in a jokingly manner and i felt that he would be comfortable coz it's my bro anyway. However I was wrong! He was serious about me keeping the secret and I know that he felt betrayed.. But it wasn't intentional! I know I was at fault and apologised several times. He repeatedly said he's fine and alright.. But on the other hand, his actions and words showed otherwise. From 10 pm all the way until now 3 plus.. he hasn't forgiven me?
Every night, when he reaches home.. he'll msg me to acknowledge me he's home and his msges usually consist of words such as dear, love and all the sweetie stuff.. today, there's none. I asked if he's angry and he said that he's tired. True? I really dunno. I am still on the verge of recovery from my illness and still feel tired. But i dun react this way! Is it a good excuse that when a person is tired, all sweetness that a person could offer in the past is gone for good?
Let's assume if he's still angry with me.. it shows that our love for each other is no longer strong enough to forgive each other. I've tried to put myself in his shoes. I dunno y.. but i wouldn't have the heart to be angry with him unless he's unfaithful or treats me unfairly. Perhaps he's really tired? have he realised that I was also tired? But I want to watch the show becoz he wants to watch it?

I juz wanna make it clear that I always appreciate what he has done for me. He came to my sch to fetch me when i told him i'll be done by 10pm.. I was sick the past few days.. he came and accompanied me.. These sweet things makes a lot of differences.. It keeps me reminded that Jason still cares abt me..

Although he tells me this is still our honeymoon period.. but incidents like this proved otherwise. We have quarrelled last week.. is this going to be a weekly thingie or worse? My phobia of quarrels and unhappiness are coming back.. I'm losing my faith for love once again.. love hurts.. Y do I always have to go through the same thing over and over again? What is love? I seemed lost again.. at the end.. he msg me good night love.. wat's the point after my heart was already broken into pieces again and again.. miss those times when we just got together.. how gentle he was when talking to me.. puts in the effort to forgive me.. with that power of strong love which is disappearing soon.. sad..

I'm always write my blog after the actual day coz i always sleep so late.. I'm so happy! I'll only be working from wed next week. That's becoz monday is Youth Day and tuesday i have to go and collect my transcript, scroll and gown from NIE.
Yesterday was a hectic but fun day.. However, there were opportunity cost involved. I nearly got into a quarrel with Jason several times. Early this morning, he went for his com class and supposed to go my house to fetch me for my jamming practice. He called me after his class. His tone really sux. As if i offended him. It only made me felt that i'm the coz of it was becoz he had to rush back to fetch me. I told myself that he was juz tired and didn't mean to hurt me and suggested him to stay at home to rest. To him, he felt fed up because he rushed out of camp just to go support me at the jamming session and now I told him to stay at home to sleep. Later I decided to invite him to send me again so that his efforts would not go to waste. I had an enjoyable time at clementi where our jamming session was held. Jason seemed entertained by my friends too. I felt good :) I do really appreciate his efforts for sending me down, getting to know my classmates despite him feeling so tired due to lack of sleep.
Faizal called me to tell me that he had 8 tickets for the Kalland stadium closing ceremony. I was so excited as this is something that we singaporeans should learn to experience it for the last time. I thought Jason would be interested as I'm interested. However, I was very disappointed when he told him he did not want to go. Later, he decided to join us. How sweet. He could have chose to be with his friends after soccer. However, he decided to go with me. I ws delighted.
Another commotion happened becoz i had prob with my time management. I supposed to go pick my bro and my dad and then go to look for jason. However, i misjudged the time and brought my bro and dad to kallang stadium 1st. From the stadium, i had no idea on how go back to the west to pick sia.

Now.. the 4th day, we woke up later than usual. Eric brought us to eat breakfast. The noodles with mix pork organs were very delicious. It was not very oily and tasted really sweet. Then we tried the desserts. I liked the yogurt especially..
Next we went shopping as it was raining. Bought a dress and a top. Oh yes.. i bought fruits too.. avacado! Bought darling's polo t-shirts etc.. then we headed to the was memorial. It was very interesting. We got to see how people was being tortured in the past during the war.. I felt really upset and couldn't accept how people could be so cruel during those days. I teared when reading those articles.
Next we went to visit the cathedral. Lynn managed to enter while the rest of us was told to say out. We took many many pictures.. especially jumping pictures.. looked really happy! We went back to hotel and watched "the incredibles" until andre decided to go and eat dinner. We ordered the half born duck this time! I ate the most! haha.. the rest of them din really dare to eat it.. Later clement called to ask if we were still interested to club. I was not really interested though. But i decided to ask lynn and darling out of courtesy.. I shouldn't have ask darling as i knew he was not interested in the 1st place.. guess i was not sensitive enough. However, I didn't know it affected him so much.. Haiz.. I realised how it could be juggling between friends and bf at times.. I really hope he could understand my position sometimes.. He claimed that I dun understand him but I think I do.. whatever i did wasn't intentional.. I wouldn't wish to hurt him..
After dinner, we went shopping again. Eric wanted to buy a jacket for a friend and asked me to help him decide.. I tried so many jackets on.. but in the end he didn't buy it.. coz it was too expensive. I bought shoes at 4 bucks though! so buy man! Later Lynn and I accompanied darling to buy shorts. We wanted to help him bargain.. We actually agreed on a good price. However, when we were about to pay, we realised we could use the small changes but not the price quoted by the seller. We told them that that's all had. She looked mad and walked away. Darling was quite upset by it. He said that he doesn't like to bargain till this extend. Perhaps we overdid it this time. But we mean no harm. We just wanted to help him save money. In the end, he said he has no mood to buy the shorts already and we headed back to hotel. That's the end for today.. He still look a little moody till now.. will try to cheer him up though.. that's all for now.. tata.. tml, we'll back back to SINGAPORE! goobye vietnam!!